So this isn’t necessarily the question I ask myself since I am a parent, but this is the question posed by a coworker today who has not yet entered the “parent trap.” Before all you parents out there protest the negative connotation to that, let me elaborate. This coworker of mine had just spent the holidays in the same house with lots of young children. I really did try not to laugh out loud when he explained his sleep deprivation from having only slept a cumulative of 45 minutes over several days because it seemed as though at least one child was awake, crying, hungry, and/or wet between the hours of 10:00pm and 5:30am.

Even though I’m a parent, I might have lost my mind, too. But the follow up question is why any of us would choose to be a parent. From his perspective, he had not heard the most positive stories about parenting. Rather, he has heard more experiences about the crying, screaming, tantrum-throwing, irrational, illogical, impatient, and narcissistic little people we call our sweet, adorable children. I felt sad about that. We, as parents, often share the war stories and forget that others are listening.

I don’t think I fully answered the question about why I would choose to be a parent knowing that I will never have the life back that I had before my daughter was born- when I slept until noon and thought nothing of it, when I ate an entire bag of peanut M&Ms and did it openly instead of hiding in the closet, when my husband and I could attend a tennis match and not have to say “Shhhh….,” when I received Target gift cards and thought about how I would spend it on myself instead of whether my daughter would like new tennis shoes or sparkly shoes. Wouldn’t you question the sanity of a person who moved forward with a decision even when the cons seemed to outweigh the pros almost 100 to 1? That is a legitimate question.

But here’s my answer. Knowing all of that, knowing all the uncomfortable changes that take place when you become a parent, I adore it and wouldn’t trade it for anything. I see this little girl who embodies the best and worst of both of us, and I get a lifetime of courtside tickets. I get to watch her face delight in learning something new, like when she learned that rainwater evaporates and turns into clouds, or when she begins to understand that some of her behaviors are not appropriate and have an impact on others, such as when she told a school mate that she no longer wanted to be his friend and saw how it hurt his feelings. Do I feel as though I’ve aged a decade when I get into a power struggle with a five-year-old drama queen who absolutely has to wear the pretty dress that’s in the washing machine instead of all the other dresses hanging in her closet? Absolutely. But in the next moment, I feel like a child again who has just discovered the deliciousness hidden inside a Hostess cupcake when my daughter goes into a laughing fit for no apparent reason other than that she’s happy to be alive.

Yes, watching other parents with their children in public can severely decrease a person’s desire to enter into parenthood, but I love what my husband said when I discussed this with him tonight. He immediately smiled and said, “You’ll never feel ready for it, but all of that becomes insignificant when you have your own.” Why? It just does.

So does the parent trap exist? Sure it does, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I know for a fact that I am more forgiving, more loving, more understanding, more patient, and joyful than I was before. For all of you who don’t have children, don’t feel as though you need to have children to be complete. Don’t let others make you feel guilty about not having or wanting to have children. It’s not selfish to want to go to the movies anytime you want or jump in the car and drive across the country at a moment’s notice. But also know that there’s no moment in time when you’re going to “be ready” for swaddling, diapering, crying, screaming, etc…If and when you become a parent, know that you’ll figure it out and it’ll be the coolest experience of your life.