No. I’m not pregnant. And I’m especially not pregnant with multiples. Although…that idea doesn’t absolutely terrify me either…

I digress. The title is not an allusion to having more children. Another delightful conversation with my five-year-old daughter caused me to stop and think about expanding my definition of what family means. I love her, but I sure wish she would ask me the tough stuff when I’m at my best in the morning versus the end of the night when I’m bone weary from work and feeling mentally fuzzy. But she holds on to this innocent notion that we as her parents are “on” all the time. That’s a huge compliment but wholly untrue.

So the other night was one of those so fuzzy-that I passed up my streets-kind of nights. We were seconds way from home, when Lexi asked me to explain the complexities of human relationships, namely what it means to have step-cousins and step-grandmothers. Clear the brain. If you have been following my posts, you will understand that there is no ignoring this child or pacifying her with a “you’ll understand one day” answer.

“Sweetie, tell me more about why you’re asking me this.” Well, I’m going to see my cousins tomorrow, but one of my cousins won’t be there. Why? “Because she lives with her mom during the week and then lives with her dad and your other cousins during the weekend.” So she has two moms and one dad? “Yes, she has a mom, dad, and step-mom.” But my other three cousins have two dads and one mom? “Yes.”

I don’t understand, mommy. Why can’t the real mommy just be married to the real daddy, and then my cousins won’t have to live in different houses during the week? “Oh, sweetie, they were married at one time, but this is where is might be hard to understand. Sometimes, life doesn’t work the way we want it to and we make decisions like deciding not to be married anymore. But here’s the cool thing. All the mommies and daddies love their children just as much. It doesn’t matter where they live. And another cool thing. Since your aunt got married again, that just means more uncles and cousins to love!”

Soooo….is this what happened with [my grandparents]? "Yes." They used to be married and then they married other people? Why can't all the realy mommies, daddies, [grandparents] just be friends and live together? “Because they don't want to, and it would be uncomfortable.” Pause…pause… “Why do you look so sad, Lexi?”

Mommy, I just want one mommy and one daddy. I don’t want to have two mommies or two daddies. I don’t want to live somewhere else during the week. What if you and daddy decide one day not to be married anymore.

“Angel, I know this is hard to understand, and I know that you feel sad about it. But daddy and I promised each other that we were going to stay married…forever…even though being married is hard. It’s the hardest thing ever. It wasn’t easy for your aunt/uncle, grandma/grandpa to decide not to be married anymore either. You can ask me as many questions about it all, and I’ll do my best to answer them, but I can promise you that you do not have to worry about having another mommy and daddy anytime soon.”

Well, what if you or daddy die and go to heaven? Will I get a new mommy or daddy to take care of me?
Oh, vey…It was a good thing we pulled into the driveway. I just changed the topic altogether and asked how she would feel if I read her an extra bedtime story. Then she reverted back to the five-year-old she is because she was pretty excited about that extra treat!

Have you answered the divorce questions before? How did your kids handle it?