Last year, my resolution was to ask more questions. Ask more questions at home and at work so that I could hear other’s perspectives. Ask more questions so I could make more informed decisions. Ask more questions so I would hear my facts and make fewer assumptions. Ask more questions to help me be proactive instead of reactively responding to a comment or email.

It was tougher than I thought it would be. My natural inclination is to forge ahead with my own thoughts, tell others the master plan-created by me, of course-and tell others what to do, how to do it, and by when I need it. I found that I needed a daily reminder to ask more questions so I stole my daughter’s stuffed Curious George and put him on my desk as a “mascot.” And I really did steal him because my daughter didn’t want to share him with me, but there are times in which parents just win-not because it’s right, not because it’s fair, but because I’m bigger than her.

I enjoy making resolutions as long as I choose a goal that I care about and can achieve. This year, a co-worker suggested I head to a website called myoneword.org to choose a word that would define 2012. This word would provide clarity by taking all of the ideas and thoughts and dreams I have for 2012 and narrowing them down into a single word. In my last post, I stated that I need to be more selfless when it comes to relationships so I almost went with “SELFLESS,” but the more I thought about it, another word kept coming to mind, and that is “PRESENT.” To be present in the moment.

I enjoy planning for events, planning for the future, and I especially enjoy developing multiple contingency plans should we need them. And we usually do need them. My mind is never at rest. And while I’m known for hyperbole, I am not exaggerating when I say that my mind seems to be constantly firing from all sides. So much so that I don’t always have the most restful sleep. Planning is productive. It saves us from unnecessary crises, and who wouldn’t want that? But anything taken to extremes can be unhealthy, and I have reached the unhealthy level of planning.

To be present in the moment would mean focusing on flipping the pancake currently in the pan instead of thinking about how many pancakes I can make from the batter. But since I’m planning, I time the pancake wrong and end up with a burned pancake.

To be present in the moment would mean sitting in front of the fire and enjoying s’mores .Then when my husband asked whether I enjoyed the s’more, I would say, “yes, I am,” versus giving him a blank stare because I was thinking about how I needed to rotate my next marshmallow better to roast it to perfection and not burn it on the outside.

To be present in the moment would mean noticing that my daughter had posted sticky notes on her door before barging in with my plans for the day. And when she cried about it, I would have apologized for having not respected her request that I knock before coming in her room versus feeling irritated that the day was starting out with a tantrum and hoping that isn't indicative of how the rest of the day will go.

So that’s my word and need for all of 2012. No, that’s my greatest need for January 2, 2012.
To be PRESENT.

I wonder what I can use as a mascot…