One is the perfect number for our family, and happily for us, one precious girl arrived three years ago this month. As an only myself, I’m prepared to pave the way. Although only children are now ubiquitous, negative stereotypes about them persist. The stereotype that I find the most natural and the least inconsiderate to live up to is that of “immodesty”. My manicure, stylish top, statement necklace and even my eye-makeup are often a joyful shade of lemonade. My only girly-girl child dons her own lemon and white striped dress and matching hair accessories. Her mini-jean jacket echoes my own dark, Levis-clad legs. A daughter is not a fashion accessory, but on certain days, we cannot help but be anything but a ray of sunshine for anyone we meet, lightening the atmosphere around us. Of course such an adorable outcome would not be possible without support, which mostly comes from my own mother, who admits that it can be difficult raising an only. There are no instantly accessible playmates for only children. When an only child faces bullying or rejection, she has only her parent to turn to for support. Unlike all of the other three year olds whom we know in our town, my daughter has no siblings of any type (half, step, foster, etc.) and no cousins. Luckily we make friends pretty darn easily, and pretty much everyone remarks upon the components of our outfits, whether or not we happen to be “twins” on a given day.

In response to the recent buzz over mothers of three being the “most over-stressed”, Julie Cole, an entrepreneur and mother of six young children poses the question, “How many kids?” in her post at http://www.workingmother.com/blogs/mabel-mama-many/how-many-kids-there-magic-number. It may seem shallow, but I immediately wondered how a working “mother of six young children” would have time to get properly dressed and made-up for work, or even for a casual house party?  I notice how some people tend to shy away from the mom in the faded yoga pants at parties. I wonder if her husband was playing golf all day and never gave her a respite. With multiple young kids, when is there time to coordinate one’s favorite shoes (which always make the day better) with one’s clothing, accessories and makeup?

My own chipped or clashing nails can prove to be a chink in my armor. The day might not run as smoothly, and those around me will not be as comforted by my put-togetherness. Another working mom might rise early to load the dishwasher, but I have often applied three coats of nail lacquer before 7AM.  I will eventually tackle the dishwasher, delicately, wearing gloves, grasping each plate or utensil as if it is a hated, slimy adversary against my manicure or my silk top that could end up spotted with grease or sauce. How very quickly I would get over my fear of dirty plates if I had a larger family to tend to! 

Of course working moms have to look our best in professional situations, especially when speaking in front of others. Today the beauty of women of all shapes and sizes is celebrated by the fashion industry. Glamorous women from size two to twenty-two grace the pages of most mainstream women’s magazines. My friends and I have all experienced being distracted when a well-compensated presenter appears downtrodden, unkempt and underdressed. Depending on your learning style, it may take you longer to tune into someone who is not well-put together, which is why secondary teachers often grade students on the neatness of their appearance when we are grading a performance such as a debate, mock-trial or a practice sales pitch. Students who are not wearing collared shirts or dresses are notified in advance that they will receive a lower grade on the presentation. If young teens do not buy into the idea of appropriate dress, they may in fact lose that first job if they show up without the required uniform or equipment, just as an adult may be denied a sale or a contract if they are not groomed and dressed in a manner that shows respect for those around them.

Since we have been spectators at dozens of road races, lots of athletes in our town have heard Annie yell “go runners, go runner, go!” whether or not they happen to be in a competition at the time when she notices them.  The simple connection that Annie makes when she spies a runner reminds me that I am a cheerleader for others on their journeys towards whatever success fulfills them. I relish sharing advice on exercise and personal grooming, and tend to be a life-cheerleader through my teaching, writing and my community service leadership.

In addition to sharing my passion for fashionable dress, my daughter’s kindness reflects her Gemini, mimicking nature. We at least greet the people around us (which is not routine practice in our region of the U.S.), and if we are not running late for something, we tend to make sure that they are having an o.k. day, which we know will be better after they notice my shoes or my daughter strutting in her favorite dress. Most days I’m fulfilled with spreading cheer on par with Annie’s “go runner”, but I do have the lofty goal of bestowing others with feelings of importance.

I appreciate how Julie Cole explains in her post that the stress over raising large families depends upon the temperament of the parents themselves, how far apart the kids are born, and how much support the parents have.  Although I am calm in the face of chaos and have plenty of local support, I am confident that I can only be truly happy as the mom of an only girl. Perhaps Julie or one of her six kids is just as concerned with personal appearance as my daughter and I tend to be. Annie and I know many moms with large families who manage great personal accomplishments, meet the needs of their families, and who look amazing! Some people might worry that Annie will be lonely, which she may be at times in the future. For now, one is not the loneliest but the loveliest number. Look how happy we are together about to enjoy a lovely poetry reading at South Church in South Glastonbury, Connecticut!