I wonder why strangers feel compelled to try to help us young mothers when our child is “showing out” (Translation: throwing tantrums, having fits) in public places like grocery and department stores. As if our child diverting every single shopper’s attention away from their tasks at hand isn’t embarrassing enough; here comes more attention from a total stranger. This unassuming stranger is usually in the person of an older woman whose experience raising her own children makes her believe she knows and can raise yours in a 47 second interchange.

And guess what? It usually makes the matter worse, especially when your child’s stranger-danger alarm goes off. I’ve even witnessed kids lash out at the stranger. Then the mother has to discretely discipline the child for the tantrum, as well as the backlash. That’s a lot of unanticipated pressure during what was intended to only be a 15 minute dash for milk and eggs.

Since I’ve been on the receiving end of this more times than I’ve preferred, I’m more confident that I will never do this to a young mother, even when I become an experienced mother.

So with all due respect, Susie Stranger:

I know I don’t know what I am doing. I am learning and growing as I go. You don’t have to remind me. You didn’t know what you were doing either, 25 years ago. I firmly believe that it takes a village to raise a child, but I don’t know you or your village address. Instruction and correction is always better received in the context of relationship. At least speak to me first before attempting to correct me and/or my child. If you must say something: “Your child is precious,” “I remember those days,” or some other encouraging statement will suffice and maybe open the door for brief advice sharing. The extra attention isn’t warranted right now.