The topic came up with talking to one of my guy friends recently. He was voicing his concerns about his wife’s lack of interest in the bedroom. I am sure that it is a concern that a high percentage of men have about women Knowing that they have kids and she works, I explained that from my perspective it could be a phase because of all of the responsibility that is currently placed on her shoulders. I let him know that when I am overly stressed, sex and intimacy is one of the last things I want at the end of a long day. He said he thought she just wasn’t sexual or adventurous and probably never would be. After ongoing discussion over a period of time, it was obvious that he would consider going elsewhere, which made me ask him if he thought she would step it up if she even knew that was an option. He said he hoped, but that is really not something he could bring up to her.
That got me wondering what a woman would say if she knew that her low libido was affecting her husband to an extreme that he was willing to go outside the marriage. I have to admit that my libido was extremely low after the first baby and was for a long time. Stress was high and I did not want to be touched. I now wonder what my husband was thinking during this time. I know that it had to bother him that I turned him down so frequently during that time. I was never really worried about him straying, but are any of us really worried about that?
I decided to start asking friends what their thoughts were on the topic and what they would do. Some did not want to discuss due to it being too personal. Some were frustrated that it ALWAYS seems to be about the man and their needs. And some didn’t have this issue at all because they have such a high libido that it’s not an issue. What really comes out of this question – is how do couples communicate to one another about things like this when they are so frustrated with their current situation?
I have always said there are 3 types of guys when it comes to cheating.
1 – The man that would cheat anytime they get the chance.
2 – The man who would cheat if the situation was right to do it and they are at a “last resort” sort of attitude.
3 – The man that would NEVER cheat.
I pretty much came up with these based on the men I know and their habits. I have seen it all. And to be fair – I know women fit into these categories too. It just seems that men are more apt to stray than women. But I do not want to take away from the fact that women can be just as guilty as men. I think for the most part, men stray for sex and women stray for attention.
I know that working, kids, household responsibilities, etc take a toll. Why is it that it becomes easier to talk to someone outside of your relationship than the person you have committed to? I have been telling my husband for months that I think we talk to other people more than we talk to one another. We are in sales and by the time we get home, we are done talking. Add in the kids and getting them settled down and into bed, we are definitely wiped out. We are getting nanny and we have decided to get at least one date night per month. If anything, it will help us talk about things that we need to catch up on. Do I think the topic of “would you cheat on me if you didn’t have a specific need met?” It probably wouldn’t had I not had this discussion with my friend. Am I worried that my husband will wonder why I was having this conversation? Not at all! He is familiar with the fact that many people come to me to discuss things due to my open and honest outlook. I would hope more people would have serious conversations with their spouse to avoid one feeling like they have to fulfill their needs outside of the marriage. I am curious how far anyone would go to make sure their husband is satisfied? Enough to have an uncomfortable conversation?