At about week 25, I finally had a meltdown. Not a screaming melt down, but a tearful meltdown. The overwhelming stress of the job, home and sickness that continued to plague me finally got to me and I just had to cry. It was one of those days that work was stressful and someone made the comment that "Everyone hates everyone here..." hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't hate anyone and I certainly don't want people to hate me. I am just trying to do my job! Which means I am an advocate for my customers and I am trying to get people to do THEIR jobs so my customers do not suffer or become unhappy.
At the same time I was also being asked by a friend for a list of names to invite to a baby shower. Actually, it was for a sprinkle because this is #2. This stressed me out too. It's not that I don't have friends. But I definitely have more surface friends or acquaintances than I do REAL friends that I feel like having to put through a shower, I mean sprinkle. I don't know if this is because I moved to this city late in my life or if it is just the time of life that I am in. I have done a lot of evaluating or analyzing of the people around here. Most people grew up here and still have a circle of friends that they grew up with. I have noticed that the people I feel closest too do not live here - but are people that I grew up with from my hometown, college or even those first few precious years out of college when I was becoming a professional. And I am able to do that, thank God,through social media. But I find that here - my life revolves around work, traveling for work and trying to manage my house and family. This does NOT leave much time for quality time for girlfriends. And yes, I miss having close friends. I miss being able to go to a happy hour without feeling guilty that I am once again leaving my family. However, if I do get to go to a happy hour, it is usually work related, which is just sad and pathetic! So, it comes down to the question of do I really want to invite a bunch of people to a sprinkle to buy me presents when if they are really friends, they will buy me presents once the baby is born. I don't want to force someone to buy us a present. Anyway, that whole thought process also came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.
And then the general feeling physically like crap for at least 6 and a half months is taking it's toll. I was yet again dealing with a cold on that day.
It's just too much. I don't care how much positive attitude I could have - it was just too much!
But - I have made it to week 27 or 28 now - I can't even remember. I feel better. Work is still stressful. I am still not having a sprinkle. And the family responsibilities never end. I feel like I am having adult meltdowns. Ones that I am just feeling defeated at times, but refuse to get too stressed so it doesn't affect the baby.
I have 3 months left of this. UGH!