At about week 25, I finally had a meltdown.  Not a screaming melt down, but a tearful meltdown.  The overwhelming stress of the job, home and sickness that continued to plague me finally got to me and I just had to cry.  It was one of those days that work was stressful and someone made the comment that "Everyone hates everyone here..." hit me like a ton of bricks.  I don't hate anyone and I certainly don't want people to hate me.  I am just trying to do my job!  Which means I am an advocate for my customers and I am trying to get people to do THEIR jobs so my customers do not suffer or become unhappy.

At the same time I was also being asked by a friend for a list of names to invite to a baby shower.  Actually, it was for a sprinkle because this is #2.  This stressed me out too.  It's not that I don't have friends.  But I definitely have more surface friends or acquaintances than I do REAL friends that I feel like having to put through a shower, I mean sprinkle.  I don't know if this is because I moved to this city late in my life or if it is just the time of life that I am in.  I have done a lot of evaluating or analyzing of the people around here.  Most people grew up here and still have a circle of friends that they grew up with.  I have noticed that the people I feel closest too do not live here - but are people that I grew up with from my hometown, college or even those first few precious years out of college when I was becoming a professional.  And I am able to do that, thank God,through social media.  But I find that here - my life revolves around work, traveling for work and trying to manage my house and family.  This does NOT leave much time for quality time for girlfriends.  And yes, I miss having close friends.  I miss being able to go to a happy hour without feeling guilty that I am once again leaving my family.  However, if I do get to go to a happy hour, it is usually work related, which is just sad and pathetic!  So, it comes down to the question of do I really want to invite a bunch of people to a sprinkle to buy me presents when if they are really friends, they will buy me presents once the baby is born.  I don't want to force someone to buy us a present.  Anyway, that whole thought process also came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.

And then the general feeling physically like crap for at least 6 and a half months is taking it's toll.  I was yet again dealing with a cold on that day.

It's just too much.  I don't care how much positive attitude I could have - it was just too much!

But - I have made it to week 27 or 28 now - I can't even remember.  I feel better.  Work is still stressful.  I am still not having a sprinkle.  And the family responsibilities never end.  I feel like I am having adult meltdowns.  Ones that I am just feeling defeated at times, but refuse to get too stressed so it doesn't affect the baby.

I have 3 months left of this.  UGH!