I have one week left before my maternity leave is over. I am not sure if my life is about to get a lot more complicated or possibly a lot less complicated. I chose to take my 4 year old out of daycare for the month of July to spend the summer with the new baby and me while I was out.  I did this to save money and also enjoy the summer. I was taking him out of preschool to go to the pool or spend time with family that was in town. I have always had appreciation for SAHM's, but now I can say I was a full time SAHM for 5 weeks and survived.  Actually - I have not survived yet, I do have a few more days left.

The newborn is my new favorite.  I know you are not supposed to have favorites, but the 4 year old is challenging.  So challenging, that as I sat in a restaraunt tonight with my husband and kids, I almost burst into tears because I feel like a horrible mom to my son that is very energetic, headstrong, independent and bossy.  We had his 4-year old check up today and the Dr sat me down to say that it is great that I have such a spirited child because he will be a leader most likely.  Really?  Maybe a little Hitler!

We started him in Tae Kwan Do to hopefully help him with his discipline.  He has told me he doesn't like Tae Kwan Do because they are too "bossy."  I sit and suffer during his classes.  I am horrified with how he refuses to follow along like the other kids.  When he decides he wants to do it - he does great.  But having him actually decide he wants to do it is rare.  He likes to do things on his terms.

I have also realized that rewarding him for good behavior has also turned into now a child that feels entitled.  I am not trying to be his friend.  I do want him to feel loved and I do want him to know I am proud of him when he does something well.  But I fear I now have a child that is spoiled.  I don't know how to turn this around.  I don't know how to change any of these things that are driving me crazy.  Which I now have my son telling me "You are getting on my nerves!"  This is only because I have said it so many times to him in the last 5 weeks.  Help me!

I go back to work next week.  I still need to decide if we are going back to daycare or go with a nanny.  I have not ever caught up on housework or organization.  I have not completed thank you notes.  I have not created or sent out birth announcements.  I am tired and feel beaten up.  Maybe I have too high of expectations for my four year old.  Maybe I had too high of expectations for maternity leave.  Maybe I just need to go back to work so I can be overloaded and accomplish everything.