I just realized it has been since November 16th since my last blog entry. WOW! That is a long time. And so many things have happened in that timeframe. But I actually have time to sit down today and write something because I am laid up after just having knee surgery. Plus my husband and I just got into a huge fight. My perspective of the fight is because he is actually having to all that he does and all that I do. And that is a LOT.
I am watching him flip out over having too many mulitiple things going on at the same time. The same things I start getting stressed out about that he always looks at me like "What is your issue and why are you so stressed." Right now he is saying he is sleep deprived. This is true. I have been sleep deprived for more than 8 months since before our daughter was born. But when a man is sleep deprived you would think the whole world is crumbling around him.
He has decided to teach our daughter to "cry it out" while I am unable to get out of bed on my own to save her. How does that make him sleep deprived? He is not getting out of bed to get her, whereas I am laying here in bed cringing because I can hear her crying.
Just now he was upset because he came home from running errands and he needed to unload the car and put everything away. He needed to put our daughter down for a nap. We have ants that have decided to venture out into our bedroom and we are not sure why and my son was freaking out over them. And he also needed to take a business call. Yep - that sounds like a pretty normal day to me. Somehow I don't think he will appreciate me more because he thinks he is going above and beyond what I normally do, but he really isn't. It's all a matter of perception at this point.
But this solidifies why I am such a control freak that has an issue with delegating. I need help doing anything right now. I hate asking because I am getting the "attitude". I don't think when I do things for others I give the "attidue". I think when I do things from others I have the "mom/caregivier" attitude which is why everyone says "You are such a Mom!"
I feel like I have caught the "attitude" from my husband, the nanny and my mother in law. And I keep thinking that all I am doing is asking for someone to unhook me from the ice machine so I can go to the bathroom. How is this being "high maintenance" as I have been told?
I am so frustrated an pissy right now because I can't do the simple and basic things and I am catching grief! Why is it not OK for a mom to have a time that we need to rely on others? I am feeling guilty because I am helpless. This is just wrong!