News anchor Jennifer Livingston recently received an email claiming that the writer never watches her show- because she’s fat. At first, Livingston was prepared to laugh off the message, but at the behest of friends, colleagues and her husband, a fellow news anchor, she talked about the letter on the air. Livingston worked up the courage to talk about the contents of the lengthy, hateful letter and spoke about the damaging ways in which women interact with one another in general.

We hear these kinds of comments all the time: in the workplace, at the gym, at dinner with friends, maybe even at home. Many women have become so immune to these comments that they don’t even realize when they’re being said. Nonetheless, what we see as water cooler fodder or juicy cocktail hour gossip can deeply hurt the women at the brunt of our comments. Imagine someone you care about, such as your daughter, being a victim of such a vicious letter, or even a snide remark.

Incidents like this one should be a wake up call for women everywhere. We must reverse the trend of criticism toward one another, and it should start now. The next time you find yourself criticizing someone else, examine the language you’re using, and ask yourself if the criticism is constructive, or destructive. How can you use your words to build someone up rather than tear down their self-esteem?  Changing the way you speak about others is the first, vital step in changing the way women interact with one another across the nation.