Empowering my teenage daughter to love herself, have self confidence and listen to her true voice is challenging, to say the least.  Quite possibly, this is because it took me years to develop this set of life skills myself.  So, when she asked me, the other day, “Mom, how do you be assertive”, I was simply at a loss for words.  You see, it’s not a simple answer.

She was referring to a girl at school who was rallying her class to “cheer louder” at a recent pep assembly, which, as a freshman certainly took a lot of guts to stand up and “be heard” without seemingly having any reservations.  Self-confidence and self-esteem come from within and learning to love herself from “within” means liking who she sees in the mirror and being comfortable with that.  Easily said, not easily done.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing to look at others and pick out the things we like in them and compare that to ourselves.  In fact, I think a lot of us do that even as adults.  What’s important to remember as a teenage girl; however, is that not everyone is going to like everything about us.  That’s a fact.  So, we must learn to like ourselves and learning to identify what we do like about ourselves is the first step.

I asked her to make a list of those things she saw in this other girl at school and she immediately clicked off the following:  “She’s pretty, athletic, smart, driven in academics and athletics, confident, has a lot of friends, seems to always do the right things.” 

Then, I asked her to think about a list of things she saw in herself that she saw as strengths or things she liked:  “I’m sort of pretty, kind of smart, a little bit athletic, I am driven”.  So, this list is very similar albeit the adjectives that depict a level less than what she see’s in this teenage girl at school.  We need to work on that.  Quite possibly, that humility she has in looking within herself is an attribute itself until it becomes self-deprecating.  We have to like who we see in the mirror and what we don’t like we just have to accept or try to change it, if possible.  I know this is tough and I realize that if I have a tough time loving myself, feeling confident and having self-esteem, I’m not going to be a very good example for my daughter.  So, this is something we can do together and I’m determined to help answer that question…”how do you become assertive”.  I think the answer lies within the text of this blog.

It’s funny, encouraging her to attend the homecoming football game, I observe her with her friends and note her instructions to me before I pick up a few of her friends (traveling in packs to these events is essential in the teenage world).  “Mom, don’t say anything stupid, random and don’t laugh too much.”  She then added, “If the conversation goes flat, pick up the quiet spots so it’s not…awkward.”   Okay, so this is my role in helping her gain self-esteem…I can do that, after all, I run two successful businesses, right?  It’s not easy raising a teenage daughter, but watching her bloom into a wonderful young lady, gaining self esteem, confidence and learning to love her “true voice” is the most important thing I can ever accomplish in this world.  Although, I’m a bit partial, I think she’s the most beautiful, talented, driven and wonderful young lady on the planet…”Moooooom, you’re supposed to say that, you’re my mom.”   (complete with eye rolling and stretching out the Mom into several syllables). I can’t win!