I have one aunt I’ll see, during the Thanksgiving holiday, who always says to me, “Your husband has a great job and I don’t understand why you still work. Your children need you, you know?”

She’s been saying this since 2000, and yes, it’s annoying as hell.

I used to feel judged and then start to question my decision to be a working parent. I would self-assess and try to assign myself a grade for what it meant to be a good parent and a productive career woman. I would give myself a +1 in areas where I was excelling and a -2 two in areas I thought I needed to improve. (Yes, my grading system was wack!)

I came to my senses in 2003. (Yup, it took me that long.)

You see, my aunt is a working mother, too. I realized, in 2003, she wasn’t really critiquing my decisions; she was expressing her dissatisfaction with her own situation and lifestyle.

After that moment, I no longer dreaded seeing this particular aunt. I shifted my energy in anticipation of her covert confessions. I listened with a gentler ear and shut down the interaction when I felt myself losing patience. I hugged her, thanked her for the chat, and went on my way. (I also rewarded myself with a glass of wine.)

In preparing myself to celebrate Thanksgiving with my multigenerational and extended family, I will remember to:

• enter each interaction with the mindset that it will be positive
• notice the energy I’m generating
• speak my own truth without justification
• gently remind loved ones how I want to be treated
• put myself in “time-out” as needed
• stay in the moment and notice the positive interactions
• laugh when my aunt says, “Let me see how much weight you’ve gained.” – hug her and move on.

Learn more about Kanesha at www.boldlivingtoday.com or www.itsafullnest.com.

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