Almost a year ago to the day I found out I was pregnant again. This was great news. We were trying to have one last baby to finish off our perfect family. At my 6 week appointment they told us it was probably twins. We were shocked. My husband sat and stared with the cliche deer in the headlights look while I started gabbering on and on like an idiot and giggling nervously. I then wrapped up the appointment with a good long cry. We had to wait until the 10 week appointment for confirmation. I knew it to be true, though. I'd been pregnant before. I know my body and I was showing much too soon.

I went straight to work after the appointment and when I walked into the office the other ladies saw the look on my face and were immediately concerned. They thought I had lost the baby or something else dreadful. I assured them everything was okay and told them that the doctor said it was most likely twins and began to sob. They, of course, were happy for me and came over to give me a huge group hug. They were relieved. I wish I had felt the same. 

Why didn't I feel the same? Because as soon as I found out it was twins, I knew deep down in my heart that my days at work were numbered. I was going to lose my career that I had worked so hard for. I was not going to walk into the office every morning and see my work friends, crunch numbers, work with grown ups and bring home a decent paycheck any longer. The countdown had begun. The life I knew and loved were over because I couldn't just be content with 3 beautiful children. I had screwed it all up.

Now, a year later, reflecting back to the first few months of my pregnancy, I know that I was a wee bit crazy. My thoughts were valid but my emotions...well, I'll chalk that up to raging hormones. I am blessed. I am lucky. I am a proud mother of 5 amazing children, ages 14, 12, 3 and 4 month old twins. I do not miss work but I do miss working, if that makes any sense? Being a mother is my favorite thing in life, but I want to work too. 

So, this is where my journey begins. I am starting out a new chapter in my life and this time I get to write it my way. I am starting fresh, I am much wiser and I have new confidence. I can do anything at all and I want to work from home so I can be there for my children. I want to be my own boss. I am in the driver's seat now and I am ready.  We'll see what happens.