Much of what I’ve learned about motherhood, I’ve learned at kids’ birthday parties.  Until I became a regular on the bouncer-and-pizza circuit, I had no idea how much sharing, caring, and commiserating goes on among parents while the kids are running, bouncing,  screaming, and loading up on sugary treats!  Who doesn’t love a party?!  Some parents loathe it (usually the lone father left to his own devices in the pizza room for two hours with a gaggle of mothers).    I look forward to the time to get to know other parents, most of who will be in my life in some way for at least the next 6 years.  As a bonus, I always walk away with a new bit of knowledge, whether it’s about schools, sports, or gluten free diets.   <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> At a birthday party this afternoon, the conversation centered on the “G” word – guilt.  It doesn’t matter if you’re Catholic or Jewish or half Catholic and half Jewish - guilt has no place in a working mother’s vocabulary.  Guilt is time-consuming, psyche-busting, unproductive, and a waste of time.  There are different kinds of guilt – guilt that we’re working too hard, guilt that we’re not working hard enough.  We’re not volunteering enough time at our child’s school; we’re late for work because we spent time chatting with the teacher at morning drop off.  There are as many reasons to feel guilty as there are parenting styles.  It pains me to hear a woman say that she feel guilty that her work schedule keeps her from volunteering in the school library once per week or serving as the team Mom for her daughter’s soccer team.  Dads feel it too; every Dad ought to have the time and flexibility to coach his son’s team.  But how many actually do? In 2012 we like to think of ourselves as enlightened parents living in an enlightened world.  With all the talk of flexible schedules and telecommuting, how many of us actually work in organizations that embrace such policies?  Not me, not anyone I know.  It would be nice – work until 3 pm, pick up the kids, take them to soccer practice and get them home in time to finish their homework while I make a four course dinner.  Such are the things that stay at home parents take for granted.  Am I envious? No.  Do I feel guilty?  No.  And how so?  I ask myself one question: Am I where I am supposed to be right now?  The goal, I think, is to live one’s life so that the answer is always a resounding ‘yes!’  The flip side is, if the answer is no, what am I prepared to do about it?  As a parent, our children are a priority, to be sure; as a working parent, the reality is that there are times, maybe many, when work comes in a very close second.  It’s not necessarily about achieving balance, but in setting priorities, knowing what’s important and making the best decision at any given time.  Children are much more resilient, and we are much tougher self-critics, than we think.  Guilt?  I just don’t have time for it.  Like you, I’m busy figuring out this week’s schedule, how I will complete the survey project on time, what we will have for dinner, when I will have time to read with my first grader, and fit in a long walk with my 7th grader.  Guilt is not something I value, therefore, there’s no time for it on my calendar.  If I had time to feel guilty, I’d have time to make a grocery list or re-line my cabinet drawers.  A woman has her priorities, and this week it’s a pedicure and brunch with the family.  But first, it’s time to raid my daughter’s goody bag from today’s party – without any guilt at all.