“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’ve been thinking a lot about Emerson lately. He was thoughtful and wise. As I celebrate 10 years with my current employer and look toward turning 50 in a few years, I’ve simultaneously been reflecting on my past career ups and downs and predicting and planning for my future.  The past decade has been one of great professional growth for me. I’ve earned a doctoral degree and two promotions, achieved the career level that I aspired to, and began teaching at the University level, which has long been my dream.  Am I successful? On paper, yes. According to Emerson? I’m not so sure.

Emerson’s choice of the word “win,” as in “win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children” is an interesting one. Others may view life as a competitive sport, but not me. Life isn’t a zero-sum game. Parents know all too well how competitive life has become for even the youngest children in school and in sports. Extracurricular activities that were once ‘for fun’ are now selected strategically for inclusion on college admission applications. Competition is a fact of life, but some of us thrive on it and others do not. I suppose I compete with myself - I’m driven, and I’m always seeking new challenges. Once I accomplish something and mentally check it off my list, it’s just a matter of time before I’ve established a new plan or goal.

What is success? What does it look like for a working parent? On days when I really struggle with my dual roles of parent and career woman, I define success as simply ensuring that my children are fed, dressed, happy, and safe. On other days, I’m equally focused on career success and take pride in the fact that I have achieved the career goals that only a decade ago seemed out of reach. Then there are days when I think about success in Emerson’s terms. Will I leave the world a better place? I could always do better.  Maybe it’s my age or something else, but those thoughts always turn into, how will I be remembered?  And then, somehow, the question that always looms: how many people would attend my funeral?

I don’t mean to sound morose, it’s just that, if you’ve been at the funeral of someone who was truly respected and liked by many people, it’s a wonderful sight to behold.  My grandfather was one such person. He immigrated to Canada as a little boy with 5 siblings and one on the way. He had little formal education, but managed to carve out a respectable career in the restaurant business and in later years, spend his winters in Florida. It wasn’t so much his respectable career that made him special as it was the respect that others had for him. Judging by the amount of people at his funeral and the hundreds of condolence cards, many from unknown people my grandfather had met and helped through the years, it’s clear that he had a positive impact on many lives. My grandfather wasn’t rich or fancy or well educated or a leader in his industry, but he was loved and admired by many.

Success has both tangible and intangible measures. These days, I’m more focused on the intangible ones – love, admiration, respect, to name a few. Of course, as I work on updating my resume in anticipation of the next phase of my career, there’s no place for those intangible measures of success. If there were, what would I write?

I realize that it’s not about what I’ve achieved by the age of 50, but who I am by the age of 50. And it’s time to set some new goals for my ‘life resume.’