My 14 year old just got back from a two day overnight to Disneyland. I’ve lived in Los Angeles for 24 years and only today did I learn about “Grad Night” from my colleagues at work.  It’s a time-honored southern California tradition  – one night in mid-June when Disneyland is open all night for high school seniors, with chaperones, of course. At our school it’s a tradition for the 8th grade graduating class to go on a different night.  Did she miss us? Heck, no. Is she exhausted?  Heck, yeah, but in a 14 year old over-tired can’t-fall-asleep-now kind of way.  Tomorrow I will spend the afternoon at the nail salon and ironing her graduation robe and she will straighten her hair and accessorize. I can’t remember my 8th graduation, if there was one.  I’m certain that there wasn’t a ceremony with caps and gowns, the whole bit.  Have times changed, or have I?  For what it’s worth, I do remember the exact outfit that I wore on my first day of high school.  In 1979.

In the grand scheme of things, 14 years old is still quite young, when you think about it.  On the other hand, their relative wisdom and maturity, not to mention, their ability to view things quite clearly and lack of cynicism are astounding. I am in awe. At the same time, I’m proud; after all, I must have done something right.

All the time we think we are sending our children to school to gain knowledge.  They participate in  team sports to learn teamwork and get some exercise.  We sign them up for Tae Kwon Do, because, on a whim, they want to try it because another kid in their class wears a cool Tae Kwon Do outfit to school on practice days.  Then there’s dance, piano, pottery, and a little bit of tutoring to get them through 3rd grade math.  We think we’re doing it for the kids; it is, after all, our responsibility to see that they experience all the world has to offer, discover their interests and talents, and have a solid foundation to get into the college of choice in some distant future that we can only imagine right now.  It’s all for the benefit of their self-development.  Until you realize that maybe, just maybe, you’ve learned a few things along the way yourself.

The truth is, we learn more from them than they do from us.  And while it’s a fact that childhood is a sort of evolution from infancy and total dependence to the discovery of personhood and independence,  we often underestimate just how much our children have taught us in return, not about algebraic equations or the melting rate of ice, but of life.  Herewith, the top 10 things I learned in 8th grade:

10.  Friendships ebb and flow.

9. Learn from your mistakes the first time.

8. Never lie to your parents.

7. Kale chips are healthy and delicious.

6. Freedom is a universal human need.

5. Despite proclamations to the contrary, children need parents, and vice versa.

4. There will always be a bogey man.
3. Save the best bite for last.

2. Our children are not us, never were.

1. Love is the glue.