Last year, a good deal of my husband's and my ‘quality’ time together was spent discussing what to do about our daughter’s less than stellar experience in 6th grade. Middle school was a big adjustment for all of us.  Fortunately, this year we are discussing how to reward her good grades.  At the beginning of the school year, as soon as the good grades started rolling in, we rewarded her in small ways, like dinner at her favorite restaurant on a weeknight, to encourage her to sustain her improvement.  The big reward, we decided, would come after the end of the semester report card.

Let’s be honest, there are two kinds of parents: those who regularly use incentives (read: bribes) to obtain cooperation/good grades/clean rooms from their children, and those who do not.  Except for the rare candy before school to encourage slowpokes out the door, I am of the latter type.  I was raised that chores and good behavior were expected and not something to be rewarded.   Parents’ incentives can be big or small.  A working mother friend of mine keeps a stash of leftover or unclaimed goody bag favors to use as little incentives or rewards for her children.  The cynical among us – or those with children over the age of 9 – know that those only go so far.  One day you’re handing out lollipops and plastic rings; the next, you’re scouring the internet for deals on Ipods and Ipads. 

Somewhere in my multi-tasking, multi-world life of a working Mom, I had heard about the idea of paying a child for good grades.  Now, there’s a bribe.  And yes, we have been contemplating paying my daughter for her good grades, come winter break.  (Did I mention that I was the ‘good work is its own reward’ type of parent?) Any bribe, or incentive, in order to work, has got to be good.  We settled on $20 for every A, $10 for every B and nothing for a grade below B.  I must admit that we didn’t struggle with the decision as much as I thought we would.  Our rationale: she has worked very hard and we want to give her a tangible reward that we know she will appreciate.  When we broached the subject with my daughter I learned that many of her friends’ parents have been paying their kids for good grades since elementary school.  Is this just another example of how parents have come to indulge, spoil and over-manage their children?  Certainly, the end doesn’t always justify the means (cheating is absolutely unacceptable), but if it works as an incentive, is it so bad?  She’s doing the work, after all.  Is it an incentive to try her best, or a bribe that sets the expectation that she will or should reap a grand reward for every accomplishment?  And if the reward isn’t tangible (love, the good feeling one gets from helping others, inner peace), will it be worth it to her?  Is there a difference between privileges (being allowed to watch TV or play on the computer after homework is finished) and incentives (money for grades)? 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as both a parent and a manager, it’s the value of praise -  not the ‘everyone who plays gets a trophy’ kind of praise, but earned praise.  Anyone who says that they don’t need praise is lying, I don’t care who you are or how high up you’ve reached in your career.  As any parent knows, unsolicited praise from a child to a parent is the most significant praise of all.  So, I have chosen to demonstrate my praise and admiration for the truly remarkable job my daughter has done this semester by paying her for good grades.  If it works to incentivize her, then so be it.  And with that money, if she finishes her homework, she can scour the internet for an Ipod or Ipad, or whatever her big heart desires.