I get it – a sense of humor helps people to cope, to relate, and to not take life too seriously.  But I’ve never found it funny when parents joke about their inability to keep up with the responsibilities of parenting, as in, “Johnny is wearing dirty socks for the 3rd day in a row because I can’t seem to find the time to do a load of laundry! Ha, ha!”  I have long since let go of the need for order or a perfectly clean house, but I haven’t stopped trying.  When you stop trying, you’ve given up.  There’s no ‘giving up’ in parenting – when you have a child, it’s for life.  That’s right…if you thought your role of dutiful, ever-worrisome parent ended at college graduation/career/marriage, think again.  And then your own parents become elderly and need care, and you find yourself parenting your parent.  But that’s another blog.

Today I read an article by a woman who was clearly stressed out trying to keep up with the demands of 5 school-age children.  The stress and exhaustion run deep, especially by the end of the school year.  When the weather gets warmer and the evenings get longer, we begin to yearn for the glow of a homework-free summer, but rather than ease us into summer, the waning weeks of the school year bring with them a new flurry of activity.  There are dance recitals, teacher gifts, class parties, summer readings lists, and so on. There are graduation gowns to iron, desks and lockers to be cleaned out, and clothes to be sorted and donated.  What to keep?  What to throw out?  Where to put the mini erasers, rocks, confetti, holiday-themed pencils, and such from the bottom of the backpack that my child refuses to part with…ever?  Like many of us, the author had started out the school year with hope and enthusiasm, buying new school supplies, making weekly menus of nutritious school lunches, checking homework nightly, etc.  And she joked about how her energy and enthusiasm had drifted off months ago.  She stopped checking homework.  She lost track of trip slips and instructions for dress up day.  Quite frankly, she just didn’t care all that much anymore.  Rather than funny, I found it quite sad.  Rather than empathy, I felt anger at what seemed to be her resignation.  I found myself wondering how I would respond if my child wrote a similar article about her challenges in juggling so many subjects in school. 

Making a baby is biology; parenting takes work.  No one said it would be easy and those who do, are lying. If we want to be honest about the challenges of parenthood, rather acting as if parenting is something to be mastered, like cooking or fencing, we need to acknowledge that, at best, it is an imperfect art for imperfect human beings.  Still, when it comes to parenting, we strive to do our best, we call upon all our resources, big and small; we can never give up.  We teach our children to persevere, so how can we ask any less of ourselves as their parents, roles models, and guides?

If you ask me, short of safety, health, and in consideration for others, there are very little ‘rules’ to this parenting thing.   So, don’t tell me, with a wink and a smile, that you are once again a self-proclaimed Mother of the Year for forgetting your child’s lunch money or choir practice.  Occasionally, on a late night, when my youngest refuses to change into pajamas, I let her sleep in her clothes.  Ideal?  No.  Easy?  Yes.  Sometimes I let her have a marshmallow right after breakfast.  Does that make me Mother of the Year? It depends whom you ask.