I’ve worked full-time since July 12, 1989.  Oh, I’ve taken vacation time and two maternity
leaves (5 months each, thank you very much), though essentially, I’ve worked
full time for the past 23 years.  (To
clarify for my dear aunt, who asked when I got my first job: fill-time means 8
am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday, more or less.)  It’s not unusual among the working mom set, of
course; it’s just that sometimes I wonder what would happen if I stepped off
the treadmill and took time to contemplate what I really wanted to do with the second
half of my working life.  Some people know,
at a very young age, what they want to be when they grow up career, and they
stick with it.  Others go into their
parents’ business or join the military, like generations before them.  Others have role models, mentors or an
effective career services office at college. 
 For the rest of us, it seems, a
career evolves.  Opportunities come
along, we say yes, and yes, and yes and before you know it, a career is
born.   I’m Ok with that. My mentor 15
years ago, the dear and wise Dr. Helen Astin, gave me a book that described
just such an evolution and assured me that it was OK not to know, at the ripe
age of 26, what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  Every experience, every opportunity and
relationship, comes together to form one’s life.  They key is to steer toward the light, not
the dark, however the light and dark are defined for you; however it feels
to you.  The book is Composing a Life
by Mary Catherine Bateson. I’ve recommended it to many a young cousin and
acquaintance over the years.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Now back to my mid-career crisis.   In
every life, there is a time of ‘what if’s’ and this is mine.  Hypothetically, I wonder, what if I were to
leave my job tomorrow and take the summer off to spend quality time with my
kids? I have a list of summer adventures at the ready – go to the aquarium, go horseback
riding, go to summer concerts at the park and family days at the museum, build
a fire pit, have a garage sale, learn to knit, try out new potato salad recipes
and have barbeque dinners almost every night.  What if I didn’t have a business card for the
first time in 23 years?  No title, nowhere
to be every morning, no commute, no meetings or office politics – no paycheck.  The question behind the question is – how
much of my identity is tied up in being a career woman, to being a (insert
title here)?  I’ve never thought about it
much before.  But now, struck with the
idea that it may be time to take a break from work, reassess (rhymes with “recess”),
and actually plan the next phase of my career, it is a question that I face.  Like many career women, I’m at risk of identifying
more with the ‘working’ part of ‘working mother’ than the ‘mother’ part.  As much as we work toward that illusive and
mythical idea of work-life balance, the reality is that many of us spend more
working hours with our colleagues at work than we do with our spouse and children.  And so, as the Type A, analytical, ISTJ that
I am, I’ve composed a 5 item survey to help answer the question and chart
myself on the work-life identity scale.   There’s no answer key; you’ll see why.

1.      
I can make an omelette or
order pizza for dinner and I know the best places to take a client for lunch
within a 10 mile radius of my office.

2.      
I have a stash of business
cards in my laptop case, my wallet, the business card holder in my purse, my
desk at work, my junk drawer in the kitchen, and the glove compartment of my
car – just in case.

3.      
I have a retirement plan,
but I don’t have any retirement plans.

4.      
What’s retirement?

5.      
I’m proud of the fact that
my daughters assume they will have a careers, just like Mom.

As I climb toward 50, I am all too aware that a woman’s status
and opportunities change at the age of 50. 
It’s not that we can’t continue to be accomplished, creative, healthy,
strong., vibrant women, it’s just that …the rest of the world begins to see us with
different eyes, old eyes, can’t-keep-pace –with-current-technology eyes.  It’s never too late to be who you were meant
to be.  In my case, when I was a senior
in college, unjaded and optimistic,  I
wanted to join the Peace Corps, but my family laughed at me.  (And I didn't join the Peace Corps.)That young girl that wanted to join the Peace
Corps is still very much alive inside me. 
Now, for the first time in 23 years, I’m taking the reins of my career
and taking time to plan the next phase of my career and follow my heart.  So, if growing older has brought anything, it’s
brought me back to my youthful aspirations, allowed me to slough off the ‘shoulds,’
career expectations and blind momentum of the past almost-quarter century.  The next half of my career belongs to me.  And if I need to take time away from my
present career in order to transition to this next phase, so be it.  After all, there’s no better working title in
the world than “Mommy.”