My commute is a blessed 2 miles – only 5 minutes if I make both traffic lights. Though it provides me many opportunities to manage my work life and family life, it deprives me of the time often needed to morph between my roles of Global Director to Universal Mommy. As a working woman I spend my days with the conscious effort of limiting the display of passion to avoid the stereotypical label of “emotional”. Many working moms do the same. Then, at the end of the day we need to morph into maternally emotional women for our families. Go figure.
On a number of occasions I have found myself offering my sons advice that is methodical, calculated and sadly without emotion. Here is a hypothetical example.
“Mommy, today my friend Johnny said he hated me.”
The managerial response is very direct and can be done while stirring a pot of spaghetti sauce with a conference call coming through a muted speaker phone. “Everyone is not going to like you. There are 12 other classmates that you can play with besides Johnny.” The mommy response requires you to be emotionally present by sitting down and making physical contact with your child. “Oh sweetie that’s awful. You and Johnny have always gotten along. Maybe he was just having a bad day. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.”
Not only is the tone of the response and level of interaction different but the context of my answer changes when I am in maternal mode vs managerial mode. If I use my corporate skills, I’m not giving my children the best maternal advice that I can give them on personal issues. I don’t manage conflict within my work team with a maternal response, “Now, you must all hug each other and get along.” So I should not manage my home team with a managerial response.
Some work skills help us manager our home lives – organization, conflict resolution, negotiation. However, the way we use these skills needs to be with love, compassion and great empathy – skills that are often necessary to limit in the workplace. “Working mothers” are moms who work not workers who choose to have children. Even during the stressful first quarter of the year, I have to remind myself of this important notion.
Hmmmmmm, that is an
Hmmmmmm, that is an interesting thought. I just may take a look at that.
I'm jealous of your short
I'm jealous of your short commute. I have a 40 mile drive to work, but I do need that time to process the emotional ups and downs of my days at school, and to catch up on the latest recorded books. Luckily I do get a few hugs during the day from some very adorable children. I wonder if "corporate moms" are more likely to take a longer leave of absence for childrearing than those of us in "helping professions" (not just because they can save more money)?