Recently my 8-year old son came home and said "Mom, I had another racial incident."  Everything in me stopped, including my breathing.  Though he had experienced some misguided joking in the past, I could see this time was different. He went on to explain, "My friend's dad said she can't talk to me anymore because I am African-American." 

The two children have had a great friendship for the past two years but I guess 3rd grade is the time to start teaching our kids to mistreat others because of their skin color...oh wait...no that cannot be it. So what was it about my brown "African American" son that this brown Indian father didn't like for his darker brown daughter?  Was it their differences? No, it was their similarity.  He reminded his daughter that my son “…only looks Indian but he is not like us.”

As responsible parents raising a Black child in America we have ensured our sons know the history of the country and that they are not naive to the hatred of some. The problem is that we've always taught it nonsensical to mistreat someone because of the color of their skin. Of course, all intellect goes out the window when the darker brown child shuns the other.  

Putting away any unkind thoughts and anger that surfaced, I had to ponder this: It's not always the differences of African Americans that intimidate and scare people, sometimes it’s the similarities. If my skin and hair are similar to yours and my house, neighborhood, child’s school, education level, and bank account are the same as yours then it is quite difficult for me to think of myself as “better” without resorting to the illogical rationalization of “just because”.

So I came up with this: What the father meant to say is that the little girl can't talk to boys who are not Indian. He wants her to associate with only Indian children so when she gets married she will marry an Indian boy.  I mean we all want our family traditions and heritage to be passed down to our descendents. I want my great-great grandchildren to look back at my pictures without screaming, "OMG! Granny was black". I get it.  But teaching our children to be proud of whom they are is not the same as teaching them to mistreat or devalue others.  The goal is to love ourselves and our brothers/sisters of all races. I'll admit, it's a lofty goal in the USA because of the nation's history, but if we stop passing down this archaic racial undertone to our children we could get there a little faster.  

The truth is my son and the little girl had no hang ups about race or nationality and without the interference of insecure and misguided parenting they had the potential to remain that way.  Luckily, my son is smart and confident. He used his intellect (clearly superior to the father’s) to disregard the incident.   He was able to name several of his really good friends who are of Indian descent.  In the end, I was able to teach him that this wasn't an Indian/Black thing. It was a "Neyha's Dad" thing and we don't even know his first name – he’s a non-factor in our world. We move on in love and encourage others to join us. Thanks Neyha's Dad, for the opportunity to teach my children love and compassion even when people may not deserve it.