Mother-daughter relationships are so delicate. While moms are not solely responsible for how our daughters turn out, we have a huge impact on their level of confidence and solidity of their character.

Last night my ten-year-old daughter asked, “Mommy, if I try out for cheerleading and make it, are you going to try and live through me?” Seems like a deep thing for a ten-year-old to ask, but it came from the few times we’ve watched those reality shows with the crazy pageant moms. Yeah. So not cute. She was actually being a little lighthearted with the question, but I never take moments like that for granted. My answer to her was simple: “Not at all. I was a cheerleader already.”

In my pre-mom days, there wasn’t too much I didn’t try, especially if I wanted to do it. I may have been the quiet, reserved girl in elementary school and high school, but I still tried out for the special choral groups, the leads in the school plays, the cheerleading team, and the drama club. I wasn’t one to watch the other kids wishing I could do what they did. Whether I was “supposed” to or not, I followed my heart and tried to do everything I wanted to do—and most of the time, I got in. I have to give credit to my parents who encouraged me to do it all. I later found out they were nervous for me most of the time, but they never showed it. I am so very thankful for that. They gave me wings.

As I got older and went on to college, I tried just about everything I had a desire for there too—studied to be a doctor, took some of the hardest math and science classes, then took up art and drawing, voice and vocal performance, sociology and psychology, and on and on. Finally I landed on a bachelor’s in English. Love it!

I even made a point to move out and get my own place before I got married. (Live alone: check!) Loved it too. Occasionally wish for it back.

I haven’t really changed much as a mom and wife. I keep my options open. I sing for special events and for my church 4 to 6 times a month. I work in a career I love. I travel some. I am acting in my first community theater play. So exciting.

Through all my years, I never really thought about what my choices and experiences were adding up to, but I think I get a real sense, being a mother, for how we set up the next generation with the way we choose to live. How bad would it be for my daughter if I was afraid to step out and do the things I want to do—healthy things, productive things, things that build character? In reverse, there are also things I am weak in that I pray I am able to overcome even as she watches so she can see that she can overcome challenges as well.

I hope my daughter will never feel unnatural competition from me. I hope she will see through me that whatever she puts her mind to do, she can do. There are no limitations. I am so small time. She is so big time—funny, upbeat, friendly, kind, affectionate, smart as a whip, pretty, great hair, cute dancer legs, super cool, and multitalented in ways I could only dream of. I know the sky is not even the limit for her.

No glass ceiling for you, Mommy Girl.

I hope that she senses her greatness with the confidence that it—whatever “it” is—will be accomplished in her. I also hope that she lands right in that perfect place of no regrets—a place to breathe in the fullness of life and bask in the possibilities.

So no, Mommy Girl, you do not have to worry about your mommy trying to live through you. I intentionally set out to live a life full of joy and peace, and I pray I am teaching you to make the choices and take the chances that will enable you to do the same.

Advice for pre-moms: live your life now, take chances, be generous with your gifts and talents, do now what you’ve always wished you could do, so when you have a daughter you won’t be tempted to live through her.