Regardless of how much you like your career and working or how much you want to stay home, most women struggle with their decision. After you do make the decision to work – despite your confidence level – you face every mom’s guilt that stems from the conversations in your own head and from what others say around you.

You think about what you are going to miss, how many firsts. Beyond the time with your child, you wonder if you are cooking enough or ordering too much take out. Is your house too messy? Can you get all of your errands done if you can’t do them during work and don’t want to miss precious time at home? Is the cost of childcare worth it? How much can or should you work and how much work travel is ok? Are you working enough for your role and to accomplish what you want to in your career? The list goes on and on.

The only way you can do it all is to admit you can't, lower your expectations in areas that aren’t as important, take help where you can, hope that you have the energy of someone that drinks constant red bulls and try to have the best balance possible and the best of both worlds. Multitasking to the extreme especially during weekend nap time is one of the ways that I successfully function.

There of course have been times when I’ve had to work while taking care of my child: the early morning or late night call, the typing on my laptop while my baby fed, etc. One of the funniest moments was when my husband took a video of my son mimicking me on a work call. He matched my tone, pitch, posture and pace perfectly.

Most women that do go back to their careers work as hard as possible because they are trying to prove themselves all over again regardless of past successes. Why do we think we have to do that? Sometimes, there is guilt as others at the office talk about what they did or what changed because of your recent maternity leave. We also worry about others thinking that we have changed or don't care as much about our work. I have heard people say that when a woman says she is having a child, companies wonder, but when a man says the same, companies assume that the man is more committed because he has more to take care of financially.

Why do people ask “how was your time off”? They know it was not time off, right? Are they just upset that you haven't been around for the work challenges and drama? What I would say if I wasn't caught off guard: “Great, I only had to make one person happy and that person couldn’t talk back.”

On the other hand, why do people judge you when you want to work and say “Do you feel ok with someone else raising your child?” It’s a catch 22 that you can’t win, so don’t try. If you say you want to work, you are cold-hearted and don’t care about your child. If you say you miss being home, there are a million red flags about your future and tenure in your role. Instead of thinking about this, I focus on how much worse our world would be if women all left the workplace following the birth of their first baby.

After returning to work, many of us don't push for promotions or raises because we don’t want to ask for anything when there is a chance we might have to leave early because of a sick kid or other appointment. I had one person tell me that if a woman needs time off for a child's event, it worries employers that work isn't a priority, but if a man does the same, it’s “cute” that he is so involved.

I knew that I wanted to work and that my career was important to me, but the guilt and the judgment from others was difficult. Balance is a goal, but very hard to achieve. We set the highest expectations for ourselves and try for the perfect balance. I’m ok (kind of) with a little imperfection now – a dirty dish, an email left for the next day, etc. Otherwise, I would never be satisfied or truly appreciate all of the great moments I have both at home and at work!

Cartoon is courtesy of Women's eNews/Mikhaela Reid/Makesha Wood.