When I got married at 21 (*cough* child bride *cough*), I had a very different vision of what life would look like at 35 than what it actually does. Never did I expect to be a single mom, navigating the waters of courtrooms and lawyers. I was in love, and if you would've told me then that my conversations with my husband would someday be reduced to a strained "hello" and "goodbye" during drop off and pick up, or that we would eventually be fighting over splitting the cost of a prescription or soccer fee, I would've said you were crazy.

Divorce is the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I compare it to the death of a loved one, but in some ways I think it's worse. At least with death, there's a finality, and you can typically come to terms with things and experience closure. With divorce, especially when children are involved, the wound is reopened regularly, as you are forced to deal with the same issues that drove you apart; things are just even more complicated because now the jerk has your baking stone that he never even uses and now your world famous chocolate chip cookies just aren't the same. But I digress.

On my wedding day, I stood outside the church, arm and arm with my dad, both of us sobbing. I thought we were both crying tears of bittersweet joy, of "Oh my gosh...I can't believe this day arrived! It seems like yesterday we were fishing and playing t-ball", until he turned to me and said, "Baby, there's still time. The car is right there. You can leave and I'll go in and tell everyone the weddings off." Holy intuition.

Anyway, despite the heartache of divorce, I will never regret my marriage. How could I? I got the two most amazing kids on the planet out of the deal. I still have happy memories, and he will always hold a special place in my heart. And as crazy as it sounds, I will never regret my divorce. Do I wish my story would've ended differently? I honestly don't know. I wish I could've spared my children the heartache of a split family, but at the same time, I think that if you look closely enough, you can see ways in which we are all better people because of the situation.

1. My kids are learning resiliency.

I remember going to see my therapist a few weeks after telling my children about the split. My son was 3, and honestly had no clue what was going on; he was satisfied knowing whether it was a "mommy day" or a "daddy day". My daughter, who was 8 at the time, was a different story. She had so many questions, and so much emotion, and I felt certain she would be damaged for life, unable to ever have a normal relationship and destined to have trust issues and a meth addiction that would land us on Intervention (have I told you I overreact sometimes?) My doctor said something really profound to me that literally stopped my crying on the spot: "Meghan, why the hell are we so afraid for our children to face adversity? This experience will be tough, but it will make them stronger people, just like it's strengthening you." Holy truth bomb.

Am I suggesting you put your kids through a traumatic event so they get tough? Of course not. But I think he has a valid point. At this point my kids would certainly rather their parents live in the same house, but I know that as they get older and understand the dynamics of relationships and why things happened, there will be more peace that comes with that. Furthermore, I think they will see so many situations as easy compared to what they've been through already. I know I do. We have a responsibility as parents to guide our kids through this time without forcing our own issues. It needs to be about them, and about helping them process and deal with the fear, anxiety, and other emotions the situation brings.

2. I am finding my own strengths

I will never know who or what I would've been had I stayed married, but I do know that I would've never pursued so many of the avenues I'm currently on. CrossFit, training, writing...these are all ventures sparked by my need to figure out who I was post-split. Remember, I got married at a very young age and was never really put to the test or forced to stand on my own two feet. While I completely loved everything about my role as a coach's wife and mom, there was so much more to me that wasn't being utilized. No, I'm not suggesting everyone who's married loses herself, but I did.

3. I laugh more

At myself. At my kids. At television shows. When you go through dark times, you start LOOKING for things to make you smile. I am much more likely to find humor in the everyday things that happen.

 4. I am a better mom

My kids split time between my house and their dad's. When we all lived together, I feel like I took the time with them for granted. Now, I'm much more likely to put aside things that I felt "needed" to be done "right this second" (laundry, grading papers, paying bills) for time with them. I'm certainly not a perfect mom, but a few years ago I probably wouldn't have considered 10:00 pm total request dance parties, spur of the moment trips for ice cream, slumber parties in my room, or any of the other things we now do that previously might've seemed they could wait. My time with them is precious, and I make more of an effort to be in the moment and enjoy it.

5. I'm a role model for my daughter

I want my daughter to find love. I want her to be willing to depend on a man for emotional guidance and support; however, I don't want her to ever feel "stuck" in a relationship. I want her to know there's always a way out, and that she is strong and capable of whatever she wants. There's always a way to be happy, and I don't want her to be afraid to find it. Did I have to take on additional work to provide the same lifestyle we had before? Yup. There's nothing wrong with that. And although I joke about finding a "sugar daddy" someday, supporting myself is the best feeling ever and I'm not willing to give it up (note: although I don't need help paying my bills, I own nothing from Tiffany's. Gifts accepted)

6. I will be able to show them a healthy relationship

No need to spill the details of my past, but my marriage wasn't healthy. It's not the kind of marriage I want for either of my kids, and to "stay together for them" isn't doing anyone any favors. Why give them some false vision of what love looks like? I want them to see it for real, and although we tried for years, we couldn't make it work. I hope that both their father and I have new, strong relationships that will be examples of what they should aim for.

There's no denying that divorce will change your life as well as your children's. Simply put, don't be afraid of the change. Learn, grow, and rise from the fall a better person.

xoxo,

Meg