People, I’m about to make you all millionaires. Over the last seven months I’ve been making note of all the baby products and services I wish existed to make life easier and you lucky people are getting the exclusive. OK, millionaires might be a stretch but I can guarantee you at least one loyal customer. I already started a website to help parents find child care, and I am not a millionaire yet, but hopefully someday!

So, without further ado, I bring you the Infant Nail Salon. I would pay someone to cut my baby’s nails and I would do it on a weekly basis. April is so squirmy that I only get to cut two nails at a time out of fear that I might cut some skin. It’s futile, really, and my baby always has scratches on her face. I gave the ladies at April’s daycare a nail buffer but I think nail care might be where they draw the line.

On the topic of grooming, I could really use a pair of Booger Tweezers for my baby. Apparently these do exist in Japan so you would just need to tailor the product for the US booger market and launch it here (that’s my business degree speaking). Although, honestly, if I’m too afraid to go near my baby’s nails with a clipper, I’ll probably be too afraid to go near her nose with tweezers. PerhapsBooger Tweezing could be offered at the Infant Nail Salon along with Cradle Cap Combing. Mmmm yummy.

The technical name is “Pigeon Baby Nose Cleaning Tweezers”

If grooming isn’t your thing, which I understand all too well, perhaps you would prefer to develop theRolling Crib. Yes, I know these exist but I’m talking about a crib you can roll into your car with a baby sleeping in it so you can go to your friend’s house for dinner. Or one you can roll down the street to a bar so you can go grab a drink. Sure people would judge you, but you’d be drinking, so would you really care? I just want to be able to leave the house once in a while after my baby goes to bed for the night.

On a more technical level, there’s the Pump Parts Cleaner. Think salad spinner meets bottle sterilizer. You’re supposed to wash pump parts with soap and water before using the sterilizer, so what’s the point? I want an all-inclusive cleaner and sterilizer that scrubs my breast pump parts clean at the push of a button. And I want it NOW.

Last, but definitely not least, there is the Dwiper – it’s a diaper with a built-in, removable wipe and pre-applied ointment. Imagine being able to leave the house without a bag that weighs 500 pounds. Do you really need EVERYTHING you carry in your diaper bag? Probably not. My shoulders are killing me from the weight of my handbag and I could really use a Dwiper and a massage.

So there you have it, sheer genius. There’s no patent out on any of these ideas just yet so they are yours for the taking. If you do happen to roll with any of these ideas and they blow up, just remember who got you there.