There was an extended period of time in my life where I was a CAVE dweller. We all know people that are. CAVE is an acronym for Citizens Against Virtually Everything. CAVE dwellers are the people that look at life as a glass that is half full and complain about it. They complain loudly about the injustices that life has heaped upon their shoulders and have no problems letting you know about it.
That use to be me!
Sad part is that I was clueless that I was a CAVE Dweller. Complaining about life or the people in my life became second nature. What I wasn’t aware of is that the common denominator to all my issues was me.
Every time I waggled my finger at someone or something stating ‘You are the cause of my unhappiness’, I had three fingers pointed back at me and really pointing to the cause of my issues. It took me awhile to understand that the cause of my angst was my need to control situations and/or people.
How often I would say ‘Life would be so much better if you would do _____?” A more accurate phrasing of the sentence would be “If only you would do things the only right way, which is MY way ….”. I felt I owned the market on ‘right thinking’.
Over time, my inability to control life events or other people turned to resentment and bitterness over life. This manifested itself in that I indeed became Debbi Downer because the world didn’t understand that everything would be so much better if it operated the way I wanted it to operate.
Only when I made the conscious decision AND put the effort into letting go of my need to control did things get better. I can tell you I did not wake up one morning and decide … Today is the day I’m going to not judge other’s people’s decisions or whine against the injustices in my life. It was a process. Some days I did better than most.
With a daily commitment to Let Go of the need for Debbi to control, each day it got easier. What most certainly helped was the day when I realized I was happy and I mean deliriously happy. Happy that I didn’t WANT to control anyone or anything. I had learned to respond to life situations instead of trying to control life.
I also don’t want to be Pollyanna about this topic. I can go back into control mode at the snap of the fingers; I have to be conscious of when I start mentally wagging my finger at someone. The good news is today I can stop and even laugh at myself saying ‘There I got again’.
I then make my choice to Let Go.
Thanks for joining me today.