I got the call from my commander today. I was at Justin’s last soccer game–the Beatles vs. the Butterflies. It was a gorgeous summer morning. Then a cell phone call from Afghanistan: “Kathy, its Colonel Woods” He sounded like it was right next store.  In a clear, slow, even tone, he said, “This is the call you have been training for your entire career. I know it’s never a good time…but I need you here. Talk to Danny and let me know.”  BAM!  Just like that. I spoke to Danny and he did what most spouses probably do at first. He stared at me with the same look of shock that I was feeling in side but was afraid to show.  We know the decision will be yes and then we both get lost in thoughts of the next 5 months.  The boys are starting a new school (you will miss the first day?).   You missed Halloween and Thanksgiving LAST year because of your training … Justin’s 5th birthday…. CHRISTMAS! What will we do without you on Christmas?

The next few days drag on and on.  I can’t eat right.  I look at Danny and I begin to feel really bad about what I am about to do. Guilt sets in.  I start to shop for school clothes…school uniforms… new sneakers… socks…underwear…backpacks. I cancel appointments. I schedule appointments.  What about Anthony’s physical? When should I tell him?  He just turned 7. 

My family starts to hear the news and right away the support starts coming in.  What will I say to him?   Mima (my mom) has a plan that’s beginning to form. Uncle Jimmy (also in the military) and Aunt Jenny volunteer. Aunt Maria… everyone wants to help.  I hope Danny lets them.  Will Anthony understand when I tell him? Will he be proud of me?

I start to think bad thoughts about where I am going. Maybe I should research. Maybe I shouldn’t. How much do I want to know?  I look at my boys and try to memorize every conversation, try to embed the memory in my brain forever.  We have to take Anthony and Justin to so many places before I go! I only have 2 weeks!!!! 

It’s now been 1 week.  The waiting is now torture. We spend the day at the lake…. Mima’s lake… tubing… boating… jet skiing – eating!  I keep trying to find the right moment.  I finally get the urge on Sunday night.  We sit Anthony and Justin down in the living room – no TV--and I say it: “Mommy has to go away for work again.”  At first I think it will go ok.  I focus on Anthony. Justin is 4 and more interested in the Darth Vader toy. “Anthony, it will be ok.  I will get to skype you every day.”  He says “Mommy, how long?”  And I say “a couple of months” and the tears and crying start immediately.  “NO MOMMY! NO MOMMY! NO DON’T GO PLEASE NO DON’T GO PLEASE MOMMY!” A knife right through my heart.
 
I haven’t even left and I am already picturing the homecoming.

Why did I schedule Justin’s dental appointment on the day I leave? I’m glad to have the company today. My mom (“I live to serve!” she always says) is right there to help me through another difficult appointment.  Then, I am off to in-process and then head out on my 5 day travel excursion across the world!

It has been crazy busy and I am leaving in 2 days! Packing…no chance to say goodbye–I hate goodbyes!

Saturday 13 August 2011