I give a presentation entitled, The Three Rules to Break to Breakthrough to Your Success.  When I begin speaking, I can tell that most of the women in the audience have no idea they even have rules, let alone how to break them.  

I love this topic because all the working moms that I support have two core rules in common: work hard and be a good mom.  When these two rules meet and marry it results in lots of baby rules that begin to control our thoughts, our time and eventually the direction of our careers.  

Before we get any further, let’s start with the definition of a rule. The dictionary defines a rule as one of a set of explicit or understood regulations or principles governing conduct within a particular activity or sphere. 

When hard working women become mothers they adopt rules and principles that they feel define them as “hard-working good” moms and these rules govern their conduct at work and at home.  

Some of the “Official” Rules of Hard-Working Good Moms:

1.  Good moms are busy, if you aren’t crazy busy you aren’t a good mom.
2.  If I continue to work hard people will eventually notice and reward me.
3.  Moms don’t make as much money because they need flexibility.
4.  Responsible moms don’t take career risks.
5.  If I ask for help, people will think I can’t do my job.
6.  If take on more responsibility at work, I will have less time for my family.
7.  I can’t take on more responsibility at work because of all of my responsibilities at home.
8.  When you have kids, you can’t control your schedule.
9.  Working part-time is the best way to balance kids and career.
10.  I am so grateful that my job accommodates my schedule, I can’t ask for more. 

These rules are so prevalent that most working moms accept them as just part of life. They don’t question them or even test them to see if they are always true.   

The problem with not examining these rules is that they become habits and pattern of behaviors that prevent us from expanding our success.  

And like driving the same route to work everyday, when we are stuck in the same habits and patterns we get stuck in the same traffic at the exact same spot everyday.  We begin to disengage from what is happening around us and don’t even notice when there is a change in the scenery.

If we entertained the thought that there is another way, we would begin to see that our rules have become our reasons, and sometimes our excuses, for not moving ahead.  

How do following the “hard-working good mom” rules stall our success?

1 - Following the “hard-working good mom” rules give us certainty.

Let’s be real we not only get comfortable with certainty, we crave it. We want to know exactly what to anticipate in our day because when you have kids you lose control over how everything will work out.  And since the only thing you can really control is yourself, you begin to follow the rules so you know what to expect from yourself.

But the problem with certainty is that it kills the magic.  The magic of seeing how life sometimes works in your favor.  The magic of landing the new client and the magic (and satisfaction) of mastery and expertise.  

The irony is that you will see the magic in your kids because they are free to be uncertain.  In fact, you encourage them to embrace new situations because you know that is how they learn and grow and, eventually, live a full and satisfying life.  

But you follow the rules and stay stuck in traffic.

2 - Following the “hard-working good mom” rules makes problems look like challenges instead of opportunities.

When you follow the rules and you encounter a problem, you view it as a challenge.  You aren’t certain of the outcome so you become fearful. You think it is going steal time you don’t have and you feel your only option is to react to the issue instead of changing course or asking for help.

However, if you felt free to ask for help or more money or more flexibility, a problem could be an opportunity.  A problem could help you uncover a new idea that makes your life easier. It could lead to new skills and areas of expertise that make you more valuable at work. It could open up possibilities that you never contemplated.  Many problems result in life improvements when you are open to change and not ruled by fear.

3 - The “hard-working good mom” rules keep you safe in should.

The worst part of following the rules is that your life begins to be controlled by what other people think you should do.  We wear each of those rules like an honor badge of motherhood.  Now everyone can see what a good mom/wife/employee you are.  

The result of taking the safe route is that you don’t have to be vulnerable, you just get to be heroically tired.  

And your lack of career satisfaction?  Oh that gets to be other’s people fault.  After all, you are following the rules - you don’t have the choice to live your life differently.

In the end, you find yourself responsible for everyone’s happiness but your own.  

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When you break the “hard-working good mom” rules you expand the possibilities in your life and the life of your children.  New rules will get you new results and that get you to a new place in life.  

The good news is that you can make new rules that work for you or even decide to have no rules at all.