I was annoyed reading this op-ed piece in the NY Times, How the I.R.S. Hurts Working Moms.  Ms. Faulhaber is making the argument that the expense and taxation of child care doesn’t make it worthwhile for moms to work. 

Can you put a price on your fulfillment be it at home or in an office?

I think her piece is well intentioned.  She is right, the high cost of child care and the lack of any real tax credit or relief for child care gives every working mom pause.  

However, she says that the lack of tax relief causes middle-class moms to opt out of the workplace.  And finishes the article by stating, “If we truly want them (the moms) to lean in to the work force, we need to have a tax system that does not push them out.”

What puts women in this bind isn’t the tax system, it is that they are chronically underpaid for the same work that men perform.  If women made more money, families would have more room to manage the cost of child care.  

Now let’s be clear, I am all for subsidized child care.  Every time I watch anti-abortion protesters, I wish they would put their money and efforts toward providing safe and affordable child care so that women felt they had more options.  But that is a topic for another article.   

What perplexes me is that the drive, talent and ambition of hard-working women can be reduced to the value of a tax credit.  The assumption of the author is that the only reason a women would work is if she made enough money to pay for childcare.

The article doesn’t even take into account what was illustrated in an USA Today article, An American role-reversal: Women the new breadwinners.  In Twenty-three percent of American households the women are the sole breadwinners and wives out earn their husbands 28% of the time.  And over 60% of mothers are breadwinners or co-breadwinners bringing home at least a quarter of the family’s earnings.  Imagine if these women were actually getting paid the same as their male colleagues or working in jobs traditionally held by men.

In the end, her argument that the cost of child care determines that fate of working moms seemed so archaic.  She didn’t even mention a consequence or options for men.  

The saddest part is that the article doesn’t recognize the importance of a working mom’s earnings to the well-being of her family.  The article seems to look at women working outside the home as a trend that can be affected by tax consequences.  

Ultimately families, not just working moms, need flexible work schedules, comprehensive child care policies, redesigned family and medical leave, and equal pay.

While Ms. Faulhaber lobbies for tax reform for child care expenses.  I would like to offer another option for managing a fulfilling career and childcare:

Ask for what you want.

1. Ask for a raise.

If you aren’t making what you are worth ask for more money.  And start asking now because an increased salary also effects your bonuses, benefits and retirement savings.  Remember where you are now is not where you will be in 10 years.  

2. Ask for flexibility.

You have to leverage your skill and expertise to get the flexibility you need.  Recognized skill and expertise gives you autonomy.  Autonomy beats a good telecommuting policy.  Autonomy allows you to work when, where and with whom you want with minimal direct supervision.

3. Ask for help at home.

Let your partner know what you need to balance the work at home.  Ask you husband to take care of dinner.  Divide the household chores or hire someone else to come in and clean the house.  

4. Ask for a date with your child

If you find that you are the family taskmaster, managing all the family logistics, plan a date with your child or children.  It could be a group outing or a one-on-one date.  Do something that your child will see you enjoying with them. Take a moment and make play a priority with you as the focus of fun, not your husband. 

5. Ask for more vacation time and take it.

Stop waiting for increased flexibility and take vacation and spend that time with your family.  I know you all save it. I managed people for over 15 years and few people ever run out of vacation time.  If you don’t have enough vacation time, negotiate for more. 

As stated by Heather Boushey in her article, The New Breadwinners:

Increasingly, businesses are recognizing that most of their labor force has some kind of family care responsibility, and therefore are creating flexible workplace policies to deal with this reality. Many of the fastest-growing jobs replace the work women used to do for free in the home. The demand for home health aides, child care workers, and food service workers, for instance, has increased sharply.

There is no better time to help your employer and our government understand what working moms need to be successful at home and at work.  The best way to let them know is to bring it up and ask.