Sometimes doing mom things just drive me crazy.  CRAZY! I am always talking about how much I love my daughter, and I do.  But let's be real, there are things about being a mom that make me crave going to work. 

I was talking to my friend, Dr. Jessica Kaplan, as I made my list.  Jess is a pediatrician and has a six-year old herself so she can relate.  However, she had a few good bits of insight into the alternatives so I thought I would share my crazy eight and reasons why the good doctor says things could be worse.

1. The Playground

Zoë proclaims that I am a downer when it comes to the playground.  She's right, I have about 30 minutes of playground patience and then I am ready to wrap it up and go home or just about anywhere else.  Hanging out at the playground makes me want to go get a drink and calm my nerves. My husband can stay and play for hours, I don't understand it.  I hate the playground.

The alternative is to have my kid do constant cartwheels in the house and just about anywhere else she finds herself.  While it seems she does it anyway, it would be so much worse if she couldn't blow off steam at the playground

2.  Face Painting

I am not opposed to the simple act of painting on the cheek.  What drives me crazy, and what really set off this whole post, is standing in line for at least 45 minutes so my kid could get a heart on her face.  I was trying to think if I hated anything more than waiting in the face painting line and, as you see, I came up with a few more things.

The thing is, there is a face painting line at every festival in the city and half of the birthday parties we attend.  It is a time suck and it is always on a HOT day.  On the few hot days we have in San Francisco, I know some mom is standing out there in the city sweating her ass off as she holds the place in the face painting line for her child.  

One mom had the good idea to take names and call kids when it was their turn to get their faces painted.  It definitely cut down on standing in line but the anxiety of listening to make sure your kid doesn't miss his or her turn didn't really take the sting out of the wait.  

3.  Wiping my kids bum.

 "Mommmmmmm, can you wipe by bum."

I always hear the plaintive wipe-my-bum wail coming from the bathroom while I am preparing food in the kitchen.

Of course, my daughter calls for me first which gives my husband enough time to disappear, usually into the other bathroom.

Dr. Kaplan advises that I should be thankful that there is pooping in the potty because she knows that the alternative is much worse and could entail much more wiping.  Ok Dr. Kaplan, I am thankful but I really hate wiping her bum.

4.  Supervising teeth brushing.

I have taken an unofficial poll and have yet to find a mom who likes to watch her kid brush his or her teeth.  The worse part is when the dentist gives you a timer and your kid gets all fanatical about brushing until the sand runs out.   

I could probably handle it if it only happened once a day but it is twice everyday.  

My husband and Dr. Kaplan remind me that many people in Maine don't have teeth so while it sucks, there is no choice but to supervise teeth brushing until the age of 8.

5.  A Lap Full of Food.

As Dr. Kaplan says, leaning in isn't just for Sheryl Sandberg.  Eat over your plate.  It is the refrain at the dinner table.  I know they are learning but as soon as they stand up there are crumbs all over the floor.

This is the one time that I like having the dog because she will lick up all the mess.  Depending how you feel about dog saliva it could be a good thing or gross you out.

6.  The Dog

I loved the dog until I had the kid.  Then the dog started sucking up time I don't have.  She becomes one more thing to manage.  I know my husband could manage the dog, and he does.  However, due to his poor multi-tasking skills when he cares for the dog, I have to handle everything else. 

Let's not even talk about the dog hair.

I understand that dog-lovers aren't exclusively dads.  There are a few dog-loving moms who love their dogs just as much as their kids.  Bless you.

Dr. Kaplan didn't confirm this but I understand that dogs are good for preventing allergies.  I was raised with dogs and have had horrible allergies all my life but maybe that's just me.

7.  Reading Books

I am going to confess.  I don't enjoy reading books out loud to my daughter.  Thankfully, my husband doesn't read my blog or he would divorce me for that statement.  And Grandma Trisha - I do read to Zoë but I pawn it off on your son if I can.  

It wasn't so bad until she fell in love with those Rainbow Magic fairy chapter books.  Reading endlessly about Kirsty and Rachel sent me over the edge.

My daughter is the most snuggly when we read to her, she just loves it.  So yes, I do feel full mother guilt saying it out loud.  No need to email and tell me why I am such a bad mom, I know.  

But for you other moms who would rather feed the dog than read books with your kids - you are not alone.

However, my daughter is bright.  She reads and writes well.  Most of that is attributed to her love of books and reading.  Okay, I will read more about the Soccer Fairy tonight...

8.  Breastfeeding and Pumping  

We all have all heard why "Breast is Best."  Dr. Jess didn't even have to weigh in on this one.  

I absolutely hated ever aspect of the whole mess. The sucking, the sound and the feeling that I had no control over my body.  All I have to say is that on the day the my daughter turned six months old, I wrapped it up and she went straight to the bottle.

*****

These are my eight pet peeves.  I was working to get to 10 but the other stuff doesn't seem to bother me as much. However, if you think I forgot one and would like to get it off your chest (no pun intended), leave a comment on my blog.  You will feel better, I promise.