I was having lunch with a female attorney who is a partner in a large law firm. We were discussing the strategies she uses to build her practice.  She said the key to her success was her ability to be singularly focused on her goals.  

I so appreciated hearing that advice and it got me thinking about how busy and distracted working moms can be.  If we are asked to help out, we feel compelled to jump in and get the job done regardless of the importance of the task. That isn’t the best strategy to build a satisfying career.

It dawned on me that it is why my husband won’t watch a soccer game and clean the kitchen at the same time. He is singularly focused. It is that trait that makes men successful at work. They don’t even notice most of the buzz flying around them, they set a goal and focus.    

So, here are the five habits that every working mom needs to cultivate in order to focus on the goal of creating a career that is flexible, fulfilling and financially rewarding.   

1 - Say No.

Create boundaries of what you will and will not do as it relates to your career.  If you want to increase your book of business, you can’t be distracted by heading the recruiting effort at your firm. Yes, you would probably be great at it but if it doesn’t leave you time to build your business or career, in the end the pay off won’t be worth it. 

If you know that you have to produce a certain result to get a promotion, focus solely on that result and say no to anything that would distract you from it.  And to save time, say no without explaining yourself.

2 - Go to lunch.

Women tell me they don’t go to lunch because they should make the most of that time by staying at their desks and working hard in order to get ahead.  Besides, if they want to leave early, they figure they should work through their lunch hour to make up the time.  

STOP!!!!

Most of what happens in your career happens because you make connections with other people. If you want a successful career you have to build a network of people who know, like and trust you. There is no better way to build trust than to break bread together. 

When I was leaving my job, some colleagues took me out to eat lunch at Roy’s on Mission St. in San Francisco.  The restaurant is across the street from JP Morgan Chase and next door to 555 Mission which mainly houses law firms and banks.  As we sat down to eat, I noticed that we were the only table of women.  Besides, the staff there were only about four other women in the restaurant.

I kept looking around at all the men and I realized that men view lunch as part of the work day.  They don’t think of it as a privilege or something reserved for special occasions.  They eat together, bond and make the most out of their BTW conversations on a daily basis.

Food is good, eat lunch, preferably with someone else.

3 - Stop trying to do everything.

Not only do we try to do everything, we try to do everything all at once. Stop cramming each minute of your day with tasks you think you need to take care of.  How often do you plan your route to the bathroom so that you can drop the mail in the outbox, ask your assistant to make a copy, stop by a colleagues office to remind them of something and then find yourself sprinting to the bathroom?

If you want to be successful you have to learn to delegate and have people come to you. Save your time and sanity by concentrating your energy on the essential parts of your goal.  If a task is not essential or distracting, it should be handled by someone else. 

Working moms don’t have time to do it all and most of us don’t really want to anyway. 

4 - Turn off the internal dialogue.

If you make a mistake, chalk it up as learning experience and stop reviewing what would have, could have or should have happened.  My daughter’s school teaches the girls that mistakes are good.  Mistakes are essential to learning and creativity.  When you make a mistake don’t waste time beating yourself up over it.

This also applies to the conversation that you dream about having with your boss/colleague/client. If it is essential to the goal of expanding your career then strategize with a trusted advisor about how to handle the situation.  

If not, stop rehearsing what you would say, if you actually had the nerve to say it.  If you wake up in the middle of the night ruminating about the conversation, find a meditation tape and meditate yourself back to sleep.

Stop wasting energy on imaginary conversations that you won’t have.  Save your energy to focus on the next step in your career.

5 - Ask for help 

If you aren’t the best person for a certain task or assignment, ask for help.  Asking for help takes many forms - delegating, hiring an assistant or housekeeper, building a team or outsourcing.  

The challenge with asking for help is trusting someone else with the responsibility.  When you ask for help you have to embrace imperfection and be open to things getting done a different way.  

If you continue to practice habits that don’t support the goal of effectively building your career you will lose focus and stay stuck right where you are.