Like most parents-to-be, my husband and I never realized the degree to which our lives would change once we started a family. Somethings were obvious enough. We wouldn't have much time to spend with friends, and any time we did spend with them would likely be with the little one in our arms. But other than Saturday nights at home and a huge spike in living expenses, we weren't sure what to expect.

What we got, at least in the first year, was unimaginable stress. Fellow parents everywhere can sympathize. It's impossible to understand the pressure of becoming resonsible for another human life, one that depends 100 percent on your care, until you experience it first-hand. The experience with the first one thankfully made the second one's first year a bit easier to manage. It was after that we realized we needed to make additional sacrifices.

Kids become your identity

Before we had kids, my husband and I prided ourselves on our individual identities. If you've ever spoken with my husband chances are he yacked your ear off about computers. He works with them daily, and makes a big show of it. Before we met, computers were his entire life. As we got more serious, he divided his life between me and computers. At times I thought it wasn't going to work, because I didn't think he could devote enough time to both of his loves. 

Imagine, then, adding not only a new life aspect, but one that requires more care and attention than either of the other two aspects. My husband had to sacrifice plenty of his identity when we had our first, and even more when we had our second.

I had a similar experience. I was the rough-and-tumble, do-it-yourself woman who didn't need a man to help me with anything. When I met my husband I turned down that side of me and embraced the symbiosis of relationships. When we had kids I had to almost destroy that unique part of my personality, because I needed to get a real job so we could pay the bills and support the kids. As I related in a previous blog post, it took an incredible act of sacrifice on my husband's part in order to get that part of me back.

Everything for thier sakes

Your identity isn't all you sacrifice when you have children. Along with our personalities and identities come material possessions. While they shouldn't define us, many take them as symbols that represent the whole. My husband's collection of computers was his. He didn't have to give them up when we had kids, but he couldn't buy new ones, even to replace ones that didn't work any longer. My sacrifice came in a slightly different form.

I have always been a car girl. My dad bought me a reconditioned Mustang for my second car -- damned if he'd get me one for my first. I enjoyed that one until it would not run any longer. That happened after we had the second child, so clearly we needed a new car. My husband already had the SUV, so we had a car to tote around the kids. Me? I wanted something with some power, like one of the new Dodge Chargers. Of course, my husband had to remind me that we can't make purchases like that for ourselves any more.

No, we needed something more fuel-efficient, so that at least one of us could save money on gas. Having a charger and an SUV would mean not only huge gas bills, but also huge maintentance bills. The combination just did not fit with our finances (especially considering the cost of the Charger). And so we went with a simple Volkswagen, knowing that it would get us from Point A to Point B while costing us the least amount of money.

Learning to cope

The lesson of material and personality sacrifices did not come easily. In fact, I made another plea to get a Charger -- after I had started my home improvement business. But it still wasn't practical. We were making more money, but we couldn't afford to throw it away in a gas tank. That hurt, because at that point it became clear that my husband and I would have to continue this trend of sacrifice until our kids were old enough to drive, and maybe move out.

At the same time, it provided an opportunity for reflection. Is it really so bad to sacrifice those things for the sake of another human life -- a human life that we created and raised? At first it seemed difficult to accept. After all, we had sacrificed plenty just to have the kids. But after careful consideration, it became beyond obvious that these trade-offs were worth it.

It's just a car. They're just computers. And you know what? After thinking about it some more, my husband and I realized that we never sacrificed our personalities and identities. We see those traits in our kids every day. We merely planted those seeds, and are now starting to see the fruits.