Tonight as I sat on the couch with my honey and watched barely-pubescent-wanna-bees in the premier episode of  American Idol’s 11th season, I couldn’t help but reflect back on the alacrity I possessed in the early stages of my own performance career. 

Fast forward a couple of decades beyond where these camera-ready kids are and you will find me, a woman who almost had a decent run of it... when I could.  Sure, I had a modicum of professional success producing and performing in everything from opera, musical theatre, synagogues, concerts, recording booths . . . anything that I could find to feed my artistic temperament and better yet, earn a paycheck! 

But did I ever really “make it” the way I had expected or dreamed I would?  Do I feel looking back on my 20‘s that I gave 110% to the career I felt most passionate about?

Nope, I don’t, and for a long time that bothered me.  But now, after taking a hard look at the why-not, with plenty of therapy and past life regression sessions under my belt, I can honestly say I understand and accept where I made my sacrifices.  

I suppose you could say that I loved sex.  

Ok, maybe that’s an over simplification.  What I loved was being in relationship thinking that in this state-of-being I could, or would, eventually get to do and have everything I desired.  But the facts are in and they certainly do not support my somewhat flawed philosophy.  

Every time I had a chance to get noticed by a new agent or a producer, or receive encouragement from my acting teacher, a commercial casting director or a voice coach  there was also a man in my life.  And this man would smile and say “wow, that’s really great honey” and then in the very next breath ask innocently “so how long will you do this music thing before you want to have a baby?” or “are you going to make any money doing this show?”  

Given enough of that kind of pseudo-encouragement combined with not enough self-esteem you can just imagine what came next . . . not a whole heck of a lot!  

I spread my legs instead of spreading my wings thinking this one would be the one, and if I just believed in him and gave enough of myself, he would reciprocate and that would be all the support I’d need to go where eagles fly and rainbows are made. 

Naïve?  That’s one word for it.  Because I believed my second husband when he said “work for me and once we make enough money you can go back to your auditions” or my fourth ex who thought it would be a swell idea for me to plan his marketing, voice his commercials and serve as his orthodontic practice liaison, and didn’t understand why I needed to take the role of Micaela in a non-paying production of Carmen in NYC.  

To sing made me free and despite my not ever really completely going for it, I never totally strayed too far from my creative ambitions either.

I guess there’s a pretty resilient part of me who never let the embers of my dreams die. No matter who I was involved with I couldn’t turn my back on what was so important to me... using my voice.  I guess that’s why now my tag line on my website, and in my business is: One Voice, Many Paths.

I feel good about holding onto my dreams and I know I’m not alone when I ask, who among us hasn’t made choices and given up opportunities for the sake of a relationship? 

Even the smartest, most creative and industrious women have occasionally found themselves in similar situations.  So the best I can do is to encourage you, my fellow working moms, to be proud of who you are, where you’ve been, and how you got here.   

Let go of any judgment you hold because in the end, it doesn’t matter how many times or how long it takes, despite our pratfalls, we’re still able to stand up, and sing again. 

Finally, the idea of being spiritually sexy, at least for me, came when I realized I didn’t need to assume the position as a trade-off for validation, or acceptance.  

I can see now, with all my efforting to find Mr. Right, that I was chasing an illusion.  For starters, I wasn’t exactly manifesting Don Juan, it was definitely more like Don Ho (no offense to Mr. Ho or his people).  Most my encounters were just so-so and frankly the sex was never that good, because the connection just wasn’t there, and partly because I was attracting the wrong guys.

As I started to do the work, to really look at some of my behaviors and to own them, I realized I did deserve to be encouraged, I was entitled to be emotionally supported, and I was ready to get to the next level, whatever that looked like.

Somehow my relationship with myself became key to this growth, and oh-by-the-way I did manifest just that kind of person, and the sex has never been better.  

Don’t worry if you hit a few sour notes on your journey, you can always change tunes and Randy, JLo and Steven won’t be there to judge you.  

So go ahead, let it rip!

[As always, I'd love to hear your stories, so please post a comment here, visit me on www.Diva-Mama.com, FB: DivaMamaShiraAdler and tweet me @1DivaMama].