This past week I was visiting with Erin, a 43 year-old client and self-employed consultant who is tired, burned out and noticing she’s beginning to take feedback way too personally. Input from her clients is being viewed as criticism, small project snags feel like major train wrecks and she’s finding herself projecting her insecurities and feelings of inadequacy everywhere she turns.

Can you relate? We all can. When we’re overworked and depleted, yes it’s important to remember to exercise, get good sleep and eat nutrient-dense foods. But, just as important as nurturing our physical well-being is the care and feeding of our hearts.  

I can tell when my emotional well-being is out of whack. I’m too subjective and feel like I’m at the mercy of my thoughts and feelings. And, I start to believe my happiness is dependent on “the next good thing” that may or may not come my way. Not a very grounded or balanced way to move through my week.  

On the other end, when I take time to nurture my emotional health, I have strong boundaries and can deflect other people’s “stuff” easily, I don’t take things personally, I have a clear sense for what really matters and I don’t sweat the small stuff (particularly essential if you’re a parent!).

What enhances your emotional well-being? What keeps you calm, centered and operating from what I call “your wise self” as opposed to your reactionary self? For me, basic emotional self-care includes at a minimum:

•   meditating each morning for 20 minutes

•   experiencing daily soulful movement (as opposed to “rote” movement): hiking or walking around the lake or in nature, dancing with my Daring Divas <http://drdebkern.com/daring-diva-dance/>  and taking yoga classes

•   not succumbing to “shoulds” and staying true to my gut (nothing makes me grouchy faster than over-committing, agreeing to attend an event I don’t resonate with, or volunteering for something I’m not fully committed to)

•   being mindful about my “media diet”: what movies, books, magazines, newspapers and online sites am I ingesting each day? Do they feed me and make me feel alive and passionate or do they drain me or stimulate “monkey mind?”

•   consciously deciding who I choose to spend time with-- in both the professional and personal arena (if in doubt, I ask, “After I leave their company, do I feel energized or drained?”)

•   choosing to eat foods that support optimal brain functioning and hormonal balance (and as much as possible, staying away from things that make me feel moody and irritable)

•   building in regular girlfriend time to have heart-to-heart connections with women I love and care about and who allow me to show up “warts and all”


Emotional Self-Care Challenge: Be mindful of your state of being this month. Observe with compassion and curiosity how you’re feeling most of the time on a scale of one to ten (ten being complete equilibrium, one being completely out-of-sync emotionally). Does your mood change depending on who you’re with and what’s going on around you? Are you able to keep a sense of inner peace even when things on the outside appear to be “going wrong?” What things really nurture your heart, your emotional well-being? What practices or habits help you keep a grounded, spacious, big-picture perspective?

Happiness should be not be dependent on a sunny day, a success at work, a great meal, a warm fuzzy, feeling connected to your partner or child, or winning the lottery. It’s an inside-out job. (Stop by our Live Inside Out café and consider sharing what supports your emotional well-being on our Live Inside Out Facebook page.)

Ultimately, I believe the ability to be happy no matter what is what we’re all seeking. I know I sure am. 

I encourage you throughout this month to begin to explore how you can be more accepting and loving towards yourself and as author Byron Katie says, “Love the one you’re with …and that would be you.”