We women don’t ask enough. For what we need. For what we deserve.  At work or at home. So my guidance is to ask. Here’s why…

When I began my career at Procter & Gamble, I took a course on gender differences. The trainer cited a study about business school applications. The majority of men, some overwhelming 99%, began their career essay with “I will” be a management consultant, an investment banker, an entrepreneur…  The majority of women, over 75%, began their essay with “I would like to” be a…Why the difference?  Men are overly confident. Women have been socialized into niceties and asking permission for things. So take on that “I will” mentality and ask…

I will be assigned to that important corporate project. I will deliver my results.  I will be promoted. To help advance your career, you need to be sure to ask for what you need to exceed.  Experience in an area you may not know.   Practice presenting to a senior manager.  And what you deserve. Ask for that raise or promotion. Worst-case, your manager tells you more clearly what you need to do to reach that next level, so you have something concrete to work towards.  Also, don’t be shy about asking for a work from home day.  Or a 4-day work week.  Be prepared to substantiate how you will continue to deliver the work results and that when working from home you will still have childcare coverage, but it never hurts to ask.  As CMO, I just learned about a woman on my extended team, who needs to leave the office at 3:15pm twice a month when her fire-fighter husband has the second shift.  She asked for a work from home day twice a month.  Of course I agreed.  I sure would prefer her working productively at home than her spending two hours of those days commuting and leaving early.  So, ask.

At home, the lesson is the same. We working moms try to be superwomen, but study after study shows that we bear more of the daily household responsibilities than our husbands. While men simply say they are going to the gym or on a run and will be back in an hour, we women tend to ask permission.  While men sneak away into their cave after dinner, we women cook, do the dishes, change the diapers, and pack lunchbags for the next day.  I say, NO MORE!  We need to ask more instead.  But think about how you phrase your questions to ensure success. “Honey, I am going for a run.  While you watch our son, could you turn the oven on in twenty minutes to start dinner?”  Or after dinner, “Honey, would you prefer to empty and load the dishwasher or do the bath?” This one is best tip I ever heard from another working mom.  Rather than doing more chores and feeling resentful, or nagging your husband to do anything to help, simply phrase the tasks at hand as a choice, and let him choose. That way, your hubby will realize what you are doing, while he is doing his share. Fair is fair.  We just need to ask more often.

So, get at it. Ask at work. Ask at home. Ask for what you need, and want!