Alison Buckholtz’s book, Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War is a very powerful reminder that the families of those serving are also heroes in the War on Terror.  This Monday is Memorial Day a reminder to Americans that there are those who pay the ultimate sacrifice.  Their children and spouses will never have their loved ones to share in their accomplishments and major events in their lives.  A few working mothers reflect on what Memorial Day means to them.

A current Lieutenant Colonel, Laura Dawson, who is an Army orthopedic surgeon in Afghanistan, thinks about those “young people who we have lost in this Operation as well as the other wars. From a medical provider/surgeon prospective we see the injuries and sometimes the death of the soldier, trying to help them after the trauma has taken place. It’s crushing to know you could not save them, and gut wrenching to see these young people die or disfigured. But it has to be a thousand times harder on the soldier’s family and their unit, those who were with him/her when the injury took place. So I dedicate Memorial Day to honor their ultimate sacrifice and reflect on how great a price we have paid with the loss of these incredible young people.”

Emily lost her husband during the Iraq War in 2011.  She reflects that on this day her emotions fluctuate between sadness and anger. “I miss him every day but on Memorial Day it’s a little more prevalent in my mind just how much I miss him and it reminds me that he's really gone.” She told of the shock of having her husband die and trying to juggle being a working mother.  She was working 12-hour shifts, waiting for the time he would come home to help out; yet, “ It never came. I struggled a lot trying to go back to work. I ended up not even making it through my first shift back because I worked in an active duty hospital and it was just too difficult to see soldiers welcoming their new babies, being with their spouses, and knowing I was not ever going to have that again. I cried within an hour of being there and ended up leaving and not returning. It was very difficult for me to find a job that allowed me to work but still get my children before the daycare center closed. I could no longer work 12-hour shifts, nights, or weekends and holidays because I needed to be with my kids and employers wanted the exact opposite of what I could offer. Nurses are generally working weekends and long shifts and I couldn’t do it. I felt very defeated for a while because the only jobs I could find were in a clinic, making less than I made when I was working as a secretary during my time in nursing school. I had a Bachelors degree and I felt like I was worth nothing. Then I found the job I'm at now and I absolutely love it so I guess it all does work out in the end.”

In Standing By, Alison describes what it is like not only for the spouse, but for the children who must come to grips with having a parent gone for long periods of time.  She noted, “I wanted to stress to my children that this is dad’s job; yet, I understood that it is really tough for a younger child to understand since they see the world as black and white.” An assistant Air Force chaplain agrees and on Memorial Day thinks a lot about the struggles of her ten-year-old child. "She is afraid I will not come home and that she will never see me again.  I responded that I will try my very best but could not give her a 100% guarantee.  She bites her nails to a point that there are no nails left.  What seems to help is that we recently bought her an iPhone where she and I do face time together, so she can now see I am okay." 

Standing By is a beautifully written book that should touch the heart of every American.  The author does a great job in explaining how different families reacted to the issue of deployment. It is one of those rare books that can appeal to both those in the military and citizens who want to understand more of what life is like in a military family. She allows the reader to relate to the spouses, some stay at home moms, some working moms, and some like Alison who works from her home. Alison contemplated that on Memorial Day Americans must remember that "Countless military children sacrifice a sense of personal security for America's national security,” especially those who have their mother or father in harms way. On this somber day people need to take a moment out of their life and think about the ultimate sacrifice made by those who have served so Americans can maintain their freedoms. 

Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War, Alison Buckholtz

http://www.amazon.com/Standing-By-Making-American-Military/dp/0399163794/ref=tmm_pap_title_0