Do you often look at the calendar and wonder how you’re going to get it all done? As a single mom of twin 15-year-old boys, I’m fairly adept at juggling life…work meetings, orthodontist appointments, basketball games or whatever else gets thrown my way.  In my new role as a consultant, however, I have the added twist of overnight travel. Recently, I was away from my family on business to NYC, Fort Worth and San Francisco over a two-week period.  The juggling act felt more like a circus act gone awry and my household had a bit of a meltdown...to say the least!

As I was packing my suitcase (again!), I calmly explained that travel was part of my new role, this was a “big week” for me and I needed them to step up. One son retorted, “Mom, it’s a big week for me too- I have CAPT testing and state swim championships.” The other chimed in, “I have CAPT testing too, plus Crossfit training and there’s a new game coming out on Xbox.”  Even my babysitter, an elementary school teacher, responded, “It’s a busy time for me too- we have registration all week activities, plus teaching.”    Ok, so high marks for communicating well as a family, but a revolt was still brewing.

Sheryl Sandberg’s new book Lean In has re-energizing the discussion on how women can achieve their ambitions in the workplace as well as home. Sandberg promotes talking openly about the challenges you face in the workplace and home.  She also purports that fewer women aspire to senior positions because of the demands and trade offs.  I’ve explained to my boys that I love them unconditionally, but I also love to work, and I’m good at it. At this point in my career, I can’t put my ambitions on hold until they go off to college. It’s not always pretty, but every day you prioritize, work hard, and roll with the latest crisis. I’ve “leaned in” to my authentic, self-embracing my career aspirations, asking for help and holding myself accountable to achieve my goals.  I am fortunate that I primarily work remote, which affords more family/personal time than if I was in the office 10-12 hours a day.  Also, I am grateful that my Roberts Golden team, led by Sara Roberts, understands work-life integration and provides support and flexibility.

Sometimes I get frustrated with all the juggling. “It shouldn’t be this hard,” I tell myself. The mental gymnastics are exhausting. I feel bad asking my friends to pick up the boys from school. I feel guilty when I call to check in at night and know my children are missing me…And sometimes, I just feel a little down trying to manage it all.  I question what “being successful” should feel like. 

Ironically, I have friends that joke that it’s easier for me to schedule the family/work calendar without a husband (they purport that two minds are often NOT better than one because he often drops the ball!) The truth is that being flexible with the realities of life is a component that has to be part of everyone’s day-to-day mantra.  It’s a skill that I continue to hone!  For now, I’ve decided to push my insecurities aside and “lean in” to the juggling act.

What I’ve also come to realize is that time with my boys is a series of seemingly inconsequential events – listening to the highlights of their day over an afternoon snack together, taking stats at their basketball game, or just watching TV side-by-side on the couch allows us to be connected.  It’s all quality time.  However, there’s also a side of me that feels “alive” when I’m back in NYC- client meetings on Park Ave, strolling through Times Square, or believe it or not, eating dinner at 9 PM!  Strewn all together-they make up a hectic, but joy-filled life.

So what happened? We all stepped up!  I spent Saturday prepping four favorite crockpot recipes and coordinated rides to practices, Kinser took on the laundry for the week, James agreed to make breakfast and Sarah came home by 5:30.  We acknowledged that the stress that each of us was feeling about the upcoming week was very real and we needed to shift and prioritize together to get through the week (Admittedly, my efforts pay the bills, but I chose not to play the trump card!)

I cringe when I see a stock photo of a working mom- poised at her computer with a bubbly infant perched on her lap, gnawing on her Blackberry while she sorts through files and toys strewn across her desk. What’s your visual of a working mom? How do you juggle? I look forward to your comments.