10: Leave dishes in the sink - I already have 2 kids. If I wanted a third, I would be pregnant by now. Clean up your own shit.

9. Utter the words "You look tired" -  We KNOW that we look tired. Reminding us that we are close to breaking the record for "Most Nights of Interrupted Sleep" will not get you brownie points...but it may get you slapped.

8. Ask "Are you going for the girl/boy?" - That's kind of like asking any woman NOT in active labor when her baby is due. Or asking a random stranger about their sex life. Yet another way to possibly get slapped...

7. Mention how tired YOU are - There are few exceptions to this rule, including other parents (we hear you), night shift workers (ditto), on-call doctors, police/fire personnel, active military and astronauts. Other than that, shut up. You can't POSSIBLY be that tired. And if you're tired from going out the night before, get out of my house.

6. Offer unsolicited advice on how to discipline the kids - Fellow parent or not, unless you witness abuse or neglect keep your opinions to yourself. If we want your advice, we'll ask. And if you don't have kids - shut your mouth.

5. Ask "So, what's for dinner" - There are six mouths to feed at BadAssMama Central (including Kitty and Fishy Torres). On a good night, I get around to four of them (Angel and Victor are always on the list. Everyone else is hit-or-miss). Unless you have a to-go menu in one hand and cash in the other, these words should not cross your lips.

4. Ring the doorbell during naptime or after 8pm - Knock lightly, call or text. If you wake up my kids, you may end up on the 11 o'clock news.

3. Make a mess and leave before cleaning up - Kids are the ONLY exception to this rule. For additional detail, see Point #10.

2. Talk trash about the screaming baby on your last flight - Unless these words are followed by, "And then I offered to help the mother. I can't imagine how hard that was for her". Otherwise, I will fill my kids with Red Bull and candy corn, ask if you can watch them "for a few minutes" then leave for  a Harry Potter marathon...

1. Bring candy/cookies/caffeinated beverages for the kids - Unless you ask first and are willing to stay with them during the aftermath (while I go out for a drink...)

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