When I was a kid, I thought that I'd be a grown up at 18. At 16, I believed that I would be "old" at 21. In my early 20's, the number shifted to 35. By the time I hit my late 30's, I no longer wished to contemplate the matter of age.

A few days ago I turned 40. The Hubs and I celebrated with a ridiculously decadent tropical trip sans children (thanks, Nanni and Poppi!). I slept in, ate incredible meals, drank way more than I should have, took long walks by the beach and relaxed by the pool with a Kindle full of books for days on end. It was delicious. Every single moment.

There's something about 40 that feels different than the other milestone birthdays. Maybe it marks the end of the car seats and the diapers, burp cloths and sippy cups. Trading crop tops and boyfriend jeans for more tailored pieces made for a real woman's body. A body that has been through cancer scares and ultimately a double mastectomy, from c-sections to ovary removal. From anxiety and depression to PTSD, from breakdowns to breakthroughs. From obesity to badassery, unhealthy obsession with food to a happy medium.

At 40 I have come to own the woman that I am and revel in all of my flawed perfection. I have come to accept that I laugh a little too loudly and love wine a little more than I should - but fully embrace both because they bring me joy. I am an imperfect mother who loves her children perfectly. A good-enough wife who tries every day (well, almost every day) to be a little bit better. I am a loyal friend, loving daughter, protective sibling. I am beautiful, I am strong. I am weak, I am broken.

And I love every piece of myself.

At 40 I can look back on my younger self and thank her for the years of striving. The hard work and insane hours put into school and early career have paid off, and put me in a position to enjoy my accomplishments. More importantly, I can be proud of the family that I have built with my husband and focus on building a bigger life, rather than simply striving for a bigger job. While my ambitions have not waned, they have changed.

As I enter the next phase of my life, I find myself craving new titles - author, entrepreneur, mentor, inspirational leader. I'm learning that I need quiet time and creativity just as much as water and air. I've learned that I am no longer content to simply survive. I want to live, in every sense of the word. I want to experience each moment - from the daily mundane to the once-in-a-lifetime extraordinary. Because I've earned it. Because I deserve it. Because I am still here.

Today I return from my vacation feeling lighter than I have in years. Perhaps 40 is the year to let go of old baggage. I for one am ready to soar. Join me, won't you?

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