Is your current theme song, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by the Clash?

Under any circumstances it’s a difficult decision to interrupt your career and leave the work force.  People who study the working mother dilemma–like New York University Professor Mary Quigley–advise against a full departure from any kind of work.  Here’s the conversation I had with Mary which tells you why:

Q.  Back in 2004 you co-authored the book, Going Back to Work: A Survival Guide for Comeback Moms.  In the 8 years since that book was published have you been encouraged or disappointed about the  number of women who successfully transition from home back to work?   

A.  There are definitely many women who successfully make the transition back to work.  But in the 8 years since I co-authored the book, I haven’t seen a significant increase in flexible jobs or family friendly companies.  If anything, it has become harder to find true flexibility because of technology.  Now that there is texting, teleconferencing, etc., women aren’t really “off” during their supposed non-working hours.

Q.  Many of my blog readers have one foot on the off ramp.  These women often feel they could return to the workforce without too much trouble.  Do you think they should reconsider leaving in the first place?

A.  I’m an advocate of leaving the workforce when you’re tearing your hair out, traveling non-stop, working crazy hours, going through nanny after nanny and never seeing your kids.  But you have to prepare to stay at home and find some other way to keep your hand in work—and ideally make some money.  Most women at some point want to—or have to–return to the workforce.  You need to be strategic about your time out and choose interim paid or significant, business-oriented volunteer work that will pave the way for your return.  Dropping out of work-related activity entirely makes a return very difficult.

Q.  In my work as a recruiter, I found that most returning professionals wanted to find part-time—or much more flexible work.  Few women I met wanted to return to the jobs they left behind.  Why was your book focused on finding full-time work?

A.  We surveyed more than 1,000 women for the book—most were mothers of school age children.  We found that most of these women were looking ahead to college tuitions and realized they needed more than pin money from a part-time job.  They were looking for a full-time salary from full-time work—at companies that would offer some form of flexibility. Full-time work was a more viable option for them with school age children, because it is easier—and more palatable–to find part-time after-school care than full-time day care or nannies.

Q.  So it sounds like companies haven’t necessarily offered more flexibility to work part-time, but women return when they have more life flexibility to work full time?

A.  That’s right, women are reentering at a time when they can personally be more flexible about working full-time.  It’s a reality that few companies are going to hand out flexible work arrangements.  We all know that companies want as much “face time” as possible.  It’s hard to find part-time jobs that are challenging, career-building and truly contained within 20 hours. The concept of “flexibility” is shifting from something you expect from an employer to something you can make happen when your life has the flexibility to include full-time or almost full-time work.

Q.  What do you think of the widely read Atlantic article and Anne-Marie Slaughter’s conclusion that women can’t have it all?  She says that women who have managed to be both mothers and top professionals are superhuman, rich or self-employed. What’s your opinion?

A.  I think Slaughter was honest about the difficulties of working motherhood.  It’s hard to have an extremely high profile and high-powered career and be a full-time Mom.  But it depends on the job and the industry.  Not every career is or has to be high-powered or an all-consuming race to the top.  Not every child care situation has to be an expensive nanny.  I think that you can have it all in certain circumstances—and some women just have the luxury of choosing not to have it all at once.  If that’s your choice and you want to have it all over the course of a lifetime, you still have to keep your marketable skills current—even when you’re not employed full-time.

Q.  During my working mother guilt moments my husband has always reminded me that most women have to work—and they can’t even consider a hiatus. Do you think women who don’t have to work don’t try hard enough to make both their personal and professional lives synch?

A.  In certain jobs there’s a relentless pace, and it’s impossible to reduce travel, long hours and all-consuming work.  Sometimes you have to find a different job in order to keep working.  Maybe a job at a small local law firm that offers a less demanding environment than a big city law firm.  Sometimes you have to make trade-offs in title and salary.  It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  I’m seeing that today’s younger mothers aren’t leaving the workforce entirely as women of my generation did.   This could be the current economy or also that they’re just not willing to totally give up work.  I see these young women launching interesting entrepreneurial ventures, for example, and piecing together less expensive childcare (often family members) to blend both work and family.

Q.  Women who leave the workforce often do so out of fear that not being at home will have a negative long-term affect on their children.  You work with a lot of young women…do you see a lot of damage caused by working mothers?  Have most working women been positive or negative role models for their adult children? 

A.  Most of the young women I teach have mothers who did return to work at some point.  I don’t hear resentment about the fact that their mothers worked—in fact I think they’re proud and appreciative that their mothers’ earnings helped the family with things like expensive college tuitions.  What I hear more is resentment toward the way their parents have been treated in the workforce—after all the layoffs.  As a result the GenY group has no company loyalty and a greater ability to keep moving and try new things.  The next wave of working women is going to be more creative and strategic about finding work at all stages of life.  They’re going to embrace a patchwork of life and work, which is something all women can achieve.  KAS