Soooo - what did I do today? Funny that you should ask....

7-9 am: Get kids up, dressed, fed and out the door to school. Done with relative ease. 

9 am - 3:55 pm: Laundry. Chores. Work. In a quiet house - all things are possible. 

4 pm: Meet TT (that's Tiny Tyrant if you're new here) #2 at the bus stop. He needs chocolate milk, a sofa and Nikelodeon STAT. 

4:15: Time to hit the road. Dry cleaning pick up? Check. ATM? Check. Target run for supplies for tomorrow's Communion party for TT#1? Hmmm. No time for that. TT2 whines about this decision. It must be the meet and mingle after kindergarten day at Target or something really important that I don't know about because this change of plans is a BIG DEAL. Tears are shed. 

4:45: Fought traffic like a champ and arrived at sitter's 15 whole minutes early. Pat myself on back. 

5:03: Hubs is calling. TT1 is at Art Club - which according to MY calendar goes until 5:30 today, instead of the usual 4:45. Nope, says Hubs, today it's 4:45, NEXT WEEK is 5:30. (Naturally). 

I remember this is the second such screw up in three days. 

5:04: Hubs: "Well, I'd go pick her up, buuuuuut, I had golf with the guys today (Translation: I've had a six pack since lunch), so I probably shouldn't. And I'm already late for *Tim's* My Divorce is Final Party."

(**Name deliberatley changed to protect his future dateability and all around reputation as a lovely human being)

5:05: Me: OMG, fine. Tell them 7 minutes.(Pounding on gas.) 

5:06: Stoplight. 

5:07: Stoplight. 

5:08: Stoplight. 

5:08:30: Stoplight. (Oh my God). 

5:10: Stoplight. 

5:13: Arrive at Elementary School. TT1 is on curb with Art Teacher. Apologize profusely. Confirm that NEXT WEEK - its 5:30. 

5:23: Rush home. Drop off drycleaning. Pick up soccer bag. Throw in shorts and cleats. (I know I am forgetting something). Kids are melting down out of hunger. Clearly, I am starving them to death.  

5:40: Drive through - second night in a row. (I am a terrible mother). Attempt to order fruit cups instead of fries. Riot in the backseat. Fries it is. 

5:45: Eating in car. Can we have our sauce? NO. Tears are shed. 

5:53: Arrive at soccer practice. Make TT2 change into soccer gear in car. Realize we have no socks (I knew I was forgetting something). Find "dirty baby socks" (his words) on seat. Force him to wear them. Tie cleats with a double knot that is guaranteed to come undone no less than 4 times (how do they do that?). 

5:54: Think that we should just move into car since we eat there, sleep there and get dressed there. Haul soccer bag, folding chair and three bags of takeout to the picnic table. Hope that fresh air and excercise combat two takeout meals in 24 hours.

6:03: 1 kid at practice, 2 kids on playground. I sit. Lift fork to mouth. 

6:03:06: TT3: "Moooooomy, I peed. On the slide." 

6:03: 09: Put fork down.

Walk up the hill to oversized standard issue suburbanette vehicle. Find in its depths a container of wipes. Dump art projects out of the only plastic bag I can find. Hope the paint is dry. 

Back down the hill. Begin to sweat (Is it just me, or is it really hot out here?)

Strip child naked on playground - pray no one is looking. Clean her up, dress her in her brother's extra (Translation: dirty, smelly) soccer clothes. Pray they don't fall off. 

Clean puddle of pee off of slide. 

6:15: Lift fork to mouth. 

TT1: Mooooom - can you push me on the swing? 

ME: No. 

TT1: Can we go to the creek. 

Me: In a minute. 

TT1: Pleeaaaase? Blah, blah, blah. (I stop listening). 

Me: When you whine...it makes me eat reaaaaaly slow. It also makes me want to check my email. And possibly update my Facebook status. 

TT1: Are you finished? 

Me: (When do they start understanding sarcasm?) Yes. 

6:20 - 7:05: Play near creek and playground. Chat to other moms. Clarify game day instructions for tomorrow and picture day info so I don't screw it up. (I should have written it down.) 

7:06: Haul overheated (soooo, its not just me!), tired, screaming toddler from playground. Drag bag, chair, trash from dinner, 2 older children, and purse up the hill to our family room on wheels. I have car keys dangling from my mouth. 

Full. Blown. Sweat. 

7:15 - Bathtime. 2 dirty tyrants play scrub a dub dub. 

8:02 - 2 tyrants playing. 1 tyrant in the tub. I am sprawled on the bed directly under the ceiling fan. Still sweaty. Decide I must be menopausal.

8:03 - Hubs is home. (Oh thank God).

8:04 - Clarification. Hubs is just changing from pool party attire to regular party attire. (????!!!!) Asks if he can help with anything before he goes back. Marginally misses making tonight's party a two-fer by doing so.

8:25 -  Break up fort building and send tyrants to bed. Tuck ins all around.

8:26 - Go to car to fetch "other blankie" for #3. Get a drink for #2. Give #1 an extra kiss.

8:35 - Set table for tomorrow's party. Write out to do list for the morning (OMG - I have to do it again????). 

8:44 - "Go back to bed." 

8:45 - "Seriously - stop calling me."

8:46 - "Then just lay there with your eyes closed until morning."

9:05 - Vodka.  

9:43 - Silence. 

So - what did you do today?