Housework and Child Care: Getting Dads Up to Speed

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Daddy on Board

Greetings working moms! We’ve launched a column in Working Mother called “Daddy on Board,” to give you strategies for getting your guy to pitch in more at home. Why? Because we know, and statistics show, that it’s still a tough sell to get dads to do their fair share of the housework and child care—whether you’re both working or even when you are the primary or sole breadwinner in the family and your husband is a stay-at-home dad. I’ll be blogging here regularly, and I hope you’ll all comment and chime in with your ideas, gripes, solutions and success stories. Let’s see if we can reshape this tricky landscape!

Housework and Child Care: Getting Dads Up to Speed

Posted on April 29, 2011

Okay, okay, there are lots of historical and emotional reasons why the road to 50-50 around the house is a tough one. We talked about many of these in our recent award-winning article “Role Reversal”. Be that as it may, we working moms are still doing, on average, twice as much housework and child care as our husbands are, which is one reason I, for one, am tired most of the time. Don’t get me wrong; I have a fine husband who has many wonderful qualities. He works hard, and smart, at his job; he’s a very involved dad; and he does do some housekeeping. But does he do nearly as much as I do? No way. Like a lot of guys, his thinking is pretty linear. Yes, he’ll wash the dishes, but he doesn’t think to wipe the counters afterward. Yes, he’ll put recyclables by the back door (sometimes), but I’m the one who almost always hauls them out to the bin (our daughter does when I ask her to). Yes, he helps our daughter study for tests, as do I, but when it comes to scheduling her appointments and things, he usually says, “Maybe you should call Dr. Smith today and....” I could go on, and I know I’m not alone. It’s because of scenarios such as this that we’re offering expert advice and strategies in “Daddy on Board,” so we moms can get some balance, and so dads can feel even better about themselves. After all, a lot of recent research shows that dads are happier—and even have more sex—when they do more housework and child care. Not to mention moms being happier.

So what’s happening in your lives when it comes to help with chores and kids? I’d love to hear your stories—war stories or love stories—about the balance of work around your house.

-Does your husband pitch in? How much?
-Does he do some things but never others?
-Are you always picking up the slack?
-Do you find yourself nagging to get some help?
-Have you figured out any strategies that really work?
-Does housework/child care inequality cause strife in your relationship?

Please post in the comment section below. Let’s get a real discussion going here. Because this is one of the big issues for working mothers, is it not? We may use some of your problems, ideas and strategies in the “Daddy on Board” column going forward. And I’ll be posting and answering regularly. Maybe we can solve one of life’s big inequities here, what do you think?

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Fortunately I get a lot of

by SimpleSavvyMom on May 08, 2011

Fortunately I get a lot of help from my husband and am so grateful. He does help with laundry, dishes, and childcare - he even works part-time and stays home with kids 2 days a week while i stay home 1 day and my mom has them the other 2 days. I honestly don't have any tricks under my sleeve, but I do make a point to communicate what I need and want. I've learned that its best to be straightforward, open, and honest. I like to remind myself that guys have think through ESPN, not ESP! They can't guess what what you want, so tell them and be sure to thank them when they do something right so it'll become habit. Just like kids, our husbands need positive reinforcement over criticism and nagging. But let me take a step back and provide some background on other factors that might also contribute to my happy balance with home chores between me and my hubby. One is that he comes from a family of 4 boys, so he grew up having to share chores with 4 boys. Not having sisters who might have done the traditional dishes/laundry type chores might be why my husband is okay with doing chores around the house. Also, I was the breadwinner before kids came around but stopped working full time so we are now pretty even-steven at this point so it seemed only fair that we do things 50/50 with work and family. But I still have my issues, I can't get my husband to get off the couch or get to the gym more but hey, guys need their TV like women need their manicures. Can't win all the time!

Hi Willow, Oh what a familiar

by WMDeputy on May 04, 2011

Hi Willow, Oh what a familiar picture you paint! Aren't most of us working moms "one tired gal"?! Your guy sounds like he cares, but it's been my experience that many men are very linear. They keep doing what they think they're supposed to do and it's hard for them to veer off that path. I think we just have to ask in a non-nagging way for what we want and need. The idea is to, say, ask him to be responsible for the baby's bath on a regular basis, so that it becomes part of his list of home responsibilities. Let him know that he's a great father, but that you are doing this and this and this and you wonder if he could share by doing that. If bath isn't his thing, let him pick another thing to do for your toddler regularly. But then when he takes the reins on this task, you have to not tell him how to do it or micromanage it (we women are too good at this!). Good luck! Anything else work for other moms out there? Best, Barbara

My husband will pitch in on

by Willow Glen Mama on May 01, 2011

My husband will pitch in on chores he feels "responsible" for. He walks our dog, takes out the trash, pays our bills online, does his own laundry and that's it. Anything additional requires my request for him to pitch in, including child care for our 17 month old. I believe his experience in seeing his own father have a very hands off approach at home, may be guiding his lack of participation in our home. He grew up with a mother who worked full time and was responsible for all of the household duties, and I can tell you, she is one tired gal.

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