I just watched as an able-bodied man who wanted a cup of coffee stepped away from the coffee maker to let a female co-worker make a fresh pot for him.  Is it possible that he doesn't know how to use the coffee maker?  He seems like a regular in the office suite where I'm working temporarily for the afternoon.  I'm not sure if I'm shocked, infuriated, or simply saddened by how far women haven't come by 2011.  Is it a generational thing? Perhaps... they were both in their mid to late 60's.  I'm puzzled and intrigued.  I could never quite get my mind around the notion that it is the woman's role to make the coffee.  Flashback to my first just-above-entry-level job: one day I was the first to arrive at the office so I decided to make a pot of coffee.  I was in the restroom, rinsing out the coffee pot, when a woman came in.  She smiled at me and said, "Are you the coffee girl?"  In a split second I asked myself if I had heard her correctly.  My knees buckled and I managed a faint smile.  "No, I'm just making coffee for myself," I replied.  That will show her, I thought.  I replayed the scene in my mind over and over that day and several times since.  Even now I wonder if it was my age, gender, or career inexperience or her stereotypical view of gender roles that led her to say such a thing.  I know that she was just trying to be friendly, but the effect of her words couldn't have been more unwelcome or unfriendly to a young aspiring career woman like me.  Despite evidence to the contrary - for example, for close to a decade women have represented a majority in American higher education and a large majority of mothers work outside the home - gender role stereotypes are deeply ingrained in society, no matter how progressive we think we are, this being 2011 and all.

Now back to coffee making.  Where did it all begin, the notion that a woman's domain is the kitchen?  Who made the rules?  More to the point, does a penis preclude kitchen duty?  Think about it: some of the world's most celebrated chefs are male.  A better question might be, where does it all end?

Most of the men I know are fully involved husbands and fathers, sharing some of the responsibilities of childcare and domestic housekeeping with the women in their lives.  The operative word here is "some."  Yes, 22 years after Arlie Hochschild wrote The Second Shift, women are still managing the larger share of childcare and housekeeping.  We are so grateful when our husbands or partners offer to give our youngest child a bath.  I know I am.  (Time to myself to do the dishes!  Hooray!)  To test this theory, I've developed a multiple choice quiz for our favorite men.  Try it yourself to find out if he's up to the task of truly equal partnership or if he will remain forever the "bath boy."

1. A guest arrives on a late Sunday morning while your wife/partner is still getting ready.  You

a) Offer the guest a cup of coffee and then proceed to make said coffee

b) Neglect to offer the guest a hot or cold drink

c) Where's the coffee?

2. You generously offer to take the kids to McDonald's one weekday evening after your wife/partner has had a diffcult day at work.  You

a)Challenge the kids to see who can stuff the most french fries in their mouth at one time

b) Offer to assemble the toy that came with their meal

c) Allow them to play for an extra 15 minutes in the play area before heading home

3. Your wife/partner has an early morning meeting at work and it's your turn to take the kids to school.  Do you

a) Ask her to choose the kids' clothes before she leaves the house

b) Declare "pajama day" and allow them to go to school in their pajamas - no slippers, of course

c) Let the children choose their own clothes.  Why bother to check if the 4 year old remembered to put on underwear?

Congratulations, you've completed the quiz!  The answers don't really matter.  If your husband/partner even willingly agreed to play along and take the quiz, you're a lucky woman.  Now get to work and start asking for the help that you need with the kids and around the house.  Most importantly, be patient while you teach him how to make the coffee.  You, your guests, and his co-workers will thank me for it.