Q: My second grader came home in tears after he was sent to the principal’s office for stepping on a cracker. Sounded strange, so I emailed his teacher. She was curt. How do I get the lowdown?

When you say “stepping on a cracker,” does it mean, “Oops, sorry! I accidentally stepped on your cracker”? Or something more like “Aha! There’s a cracker on the floor. Is that your cracker? Take that, cracker! And that, and that, and that!” Either way, you’re entitled to inquire further, but you’ll want to do so in a way that doesn’t lead to a change of attitude toward your son. Sometimes an email can be misleading, coming across as brusque when in fact the sender was simply rushed. Since it’s tough to tell tone via email, ask to speak to your son’s teacher at a time that’s convenient for her. Then just say, “Please tell me more about Cracker-gate, because I still don’t know what happened.”

Remember that there are few things more annoying to a teacher than a parent who always assumes her child is innocent of wrongdoing. By approaching the teacher with respect and plain old curiosity, you can get her side of the story. If she’s still tight-lipped or defensive, make an appointment with the principal. Your most probing inquiry might not be about the incident involving your child, but regarding the policy of no-cracker-crushing. What precipitated the rule? Understanding the spirit behind it might explain what the administration is trying to achieve. Kindness? Cleanliness? Civil rights for Ritz? The teacher simply may be caught between your child and some silly red tape.

Q: My babysitter wants to bring her 3-year-old along when she cares for my 2-year-old daughter so her husband can look for work. He was laid off, and she can’t afford child care. Can I pay her less? This really boils down to one question: How much do you like your babysitter? Is she a once-in-a-lifetime find, or someone you’re invested in mainly because she’s familiar and you don’t want to look for someone else? If you’ve been less than happy with her and are looking for a way to move on, here’s your chance. Tell her that for the full-time care you require, you feel you really need someone who can devote all of his or her attention to your child. However, if you aren’t trying to jettison your caregiver, can it hurt to try out the arrangement she suggests? If she’s a hard worker and good with your daughter, chances are having her own child there won’t affect her industriousness or her rapport with yours. It also sounds like a temporary situation—who knows? Her husband could find a new job quickly. After a month, if the 3-year-old interloper isn’t working out, you can, without guilt, tell her so. Maybe the chemistry between the toddlers isn’t right, or the girls are watching more television than usual so your caregiver can finish the housework. Transitioning from watching one child to two is no small feat, so if she can’t pull it off, feel free to pull the plug. Cutting her pay seems harsh, particularly in light of her husband’s recent job loss. This is a time when we all need to help each other out. Chances are your child won’t suffer one bit—in fact, instead of seeing the sitter’s child as a liability, look at her as a bonus: 50 percent more socialization! Who knows, her new playmate might even become a lifelong friend.

Sally Schultheiss, a freelance writer who specializes in life and family issues, lives in Los Angeles with her husband and children Eddie, 6, and Jane, 4. Send your sticky problems to editors@workingmother.com