Looking for a more flexible work schedule or a bigger paycheck? Trying to get your kids to eat their veggies? These steps will sharpen your skills so you get what you want. When Lori Leskin returned to work after her daughter, Paige, was born, she wanted to renegotiate her work schedule. A third-year associate at the New York City law firm Kaye Scholer, Lori enjoyed her job but didn’t want to continue commuting three hours a day. “This was 1995, when working from home was still new,” says Lori, who today is a partner in litigation at the same firm. Lori set up a home office with dedicated telephone, computer and fax lines. When she met with her bosses, she presented her plan to telecommute two days a week. “They agreed,” Lori says. “But I’m sure if I hadn’t been firm and developed a concrete plan, I would not have been able to negotiate this arrangement.” Though women are often deemed weaker negotiators than men, this view is a myth, says Steven G. Mehta, a leading Los Angeles–based commercial mediator and the author of 112 Ways to Succeed in Any Negotiation or Mediation. “Women often don’t look at norms or baselines, such as a typical salary in a particular field,” he says. “But when they do take such steps, they can negotiate very effectively.” To improve your negotiating skills at home and at work, and to increase your economic effectiveness, follow these no-fail strategies.

Take time to plan
A key mistake in negotiating is failing to spend enough time preparing, Mehta says. Do your homework so you know, for example, what has been done before in similar situations. The best negotiators prepare 400 times more than average, he says, adding: “This preparation involves figuring out not only what you want but also what the person you’re negotiating with will want.” Knowing your trigger points can prevent emotional outbursts when your buttons are pushed. To make sure you keep your cool in heated negotiations, take deep breaths or suggest a break.

Understand the other side
Listening is a critical negotiating strategy because it helps you understand the situation from the other side’s perspective. And the more they open up, the more likely you will be able to understand their needs and spot a creative solution, explains Mehta. “People do things for their own reasons, not for yours. No matter how much you want to work from home, if you can’t meet their needs, they won’t agree to it.”

Make a connection
Ideally, you can find common ground with the person you’re negotiating with. “You don’t need to get angry to prevail,” Mehta says. “People are more likely to do things for you if they like you.” This friendly approach has worked well for Suzanne Lutz of Staten Island, NY, when trying to rectify problems with companies. She’s received refunds from ProFlowers.com and free park tickets to Great Adventure. “Know what you want as a remedy, and ask for more so there’s room for negotiation,” says Suzanne, the director of individual giving at the JCC of Staten Island and mom of two. And have backup ideas, adds Mehta. If you can’t get the raise you want, for example, you can ask for more vacation time.

Understand Your Trigger Points
“Working mothers can be pulled in so many different directions,” says Mehta. “They can be more prone to have emotional hot buttons, such as internal guilt because they’re away from their kids. That could be a trigger point. Some negotiators will push these buttons. And you react emotionally. Try to understand these first before you get into a negotiation,” he advises.

Learn Salary Negotiating Tips
As a general rule of thumb, when it comes to salary negotiations, the person who speaks first is usually at a disadvantage, Mehta says. “Try to get their thoughts first so you don’t wind up selling yourself short,” he advises.