You’d feel like a failure for forgetting to pack your child’s snack, but your husband would just shrug and say whoops. it can be maddening. a recent study in the Spanish Journal of Psychology showed that men, in general, feel much less guilt than women do. Why?

Men name specific emotions to apply to different situations, says Mommy Guilt coauthor Aviva Pflock. But moms tend to use guilt as a catchall when having frustrations with parenting. Men might say they feel angry that they can’t attend their child’s school performance, but they’re not as likely to feel guilty.

Societal expectations of what a mom is supposed to be haven’t evolved since women have entered the workforce. We used to be expected to excel as moms. Now we’re expected to excel both as mothers and as career women. Men traditionally were socialized to be breadwinners and excel at bringing home a paycheck. Dads are taking on greater responsibilities at home, but the expectation to excel in both roles isn’t as intense for men, says Dr. Nicole Else-Quest.

Today men are much more involved in their kids’ lives than their own fathers were, so they look good by comparison. But working moms feel they can’t possibly do as much as (and certainly not more than) mothers did in the past. Still, there’s no gain in trying to make dads feel more guilt. instead, moms could learn a thing or two by taking a page from dad’s playbook.  

Hoping to understand how working dads sideline guilt, we asked for their reactions to typical guilt-inducing situations that moms so often face. Here’s the takeaway from the boys.

The Situation after a call from the principal’s office, you learn that your daughter has been acting up in class. Could it be that you’re spending too much time at the office? Dad’s Take Why would I assume it has anything to do with my working? When my teenager starts acting out at school, I sit her down for a talk. Neither of us gets up until I understand what the problem is. Then I ask her mom how we should fix it. —Ed Reiper, fireman, Apex, NC

The Situation after a butt-kicking week at work, you crave sleep, but your partner is feeling sexy. Dad’s Take If I am exhausted and my wife wants to be intimate, then I instantly want to be intimate, too. I am still in disbelief that she finds me that attractive! —Jay Mohr, comedian and star of Gary Unmarried

The Situation you have plans to go out with friends, but the kids are crying, “don’t go!” Dad’s Take  One night, when I was on my way out the door to see Avatar with the fellas, my 5 and 7 year olds were weepy, begging me to stay. Initially, I felt a tinge of pain, but just as strongly, I felt annoyed. It’s not easy to leave a child crying, but I remind myself that saying goodbye is part of life they have to learn. —John Badalament, author of The Modern Dad’s Dilemma