Even as a little girl, Melissa Kanes knew she’d have children one day.

She’d meet her perfect mate and have a family—all without skipping a beat in her successful career. But when Melissa turned 34 and hadn’t met a man she wanted to marry, she moved to plan B. “For me, having children on my own was a no-brainer,” says the chiropractor, who had Ariana, 4, and Alexander, 1, by artificial insemination. Though she knew life as a single mom would be challenging—especially on top of her demanding chiropractic practice—she felt she couldn’t endure the alternative. “What would be more difficult for me was to imagine a life without a family,” says Melissa, who grew up with three younger sisters in a large Greek immigrant family in New York City. She’d heard all the statistics about how the chances of conceiving drop as women enter their thirties. So she decided that if she hadn’t met someone she wanted to settle down with by her mid-thirties, she’d have kids on her own. The Mr. Right she was seeking was a well-educated professional man who shares both her Greek heritage and her desire for a family. Despite a few long-term relationships, “the connection wasn’t there,” she says.

Opting for Plan B

After her thirty-fourth birthday, Melissa decided to conceive through artificial insemination. Choosing a donor was easy, she says. She scanned dozens of online profiles before selecting someone tall with dark hair and European roots who had an advanced degree and a good medical history.

Melissa conceived after just three tries over three months with each child, using the same donor. The process for both cost a total of $4,000.

Melissa is honest with Ariana about how she came into the world, putting the explanation in terms she can understand, and she plans to do the same someday with Alexander. “I tell her that Mommy bought some seeds from a doctor to make a baby because I wanted her so much,” says Melissa. With both children, she worked through her ninth month of pregnancy and returned to work six weeks after giving birth by cesarean section. Melissa reduced her workweek to 20 hours when Ariana was a baby but now works full-time and relies on a live-in nanny to help her take care of the children during busy weekdays.

Timing Isn’t Everything

Melissa opened her practice, Chiropractic for Prevention, in the Empire State Building in 2001, just two months before 9/11. Soon after the terrorist attacks, she had to face the daunting reality that potential clients were too scared to come to the Midtown Manhattan skyscraper. She could have closed her practice, chalking it up to bad timing, but Melissa was determined to figure out a way to make her business succeed. She decided to market herself to her fellow tenants in the building. She went door-to-door introducing herself and handing out her business card.

It turned out she was the only chiropractor in the building at a time of great stress—and the accompanying back and neck pains. It was a perfect match of supply and demand. “I’m able to adjust someone’s back by pulling, pushing or twisting joints in the spine,” says Melissa. “That gets rid of typical musculoskeletal pain fairly quickly.”

She credits her early success to her belief in the power of visualizing what she wants: “When you believe and you visualize, you’re not living in fear.” She visualized opening a thriving practice and having children and a home in the suburbs—and it’s all happening.

She’s buying a house on the North Shore of Long Island so she will be closer to her family. Melissa has now opened a second New York City office, Rehab & Relaxation, where patients can see her or get help from a reflexologist, a massage therapist, an acupuncturist or a physical therapist.

Workdays for Melissa begin at 9:30 a.m. and end at 7:30 p.m., since she makes herself available to clients who come to her after work. Her nanny handles the kids’ evening routine. When Melissa returns home to Bayside, Queens, sometime after 8:00 p.m., her children are often asleep. She plans to cut back on her hours once her new business takes off.

Her long workday makes mornings an especially important time for her to spend with her kids. She wakes up at 6:30 a.m. so the family can eat breakfast together. Melissa treasures her walks to preschool with Ariana each morning before she hops on a train for a half-hour commute to Manhattan.

Focusing on Family

To be able to devote weekends entirely to her kids, Melissa completes most errands and chores during the week. She often crams in grocery shopping after a full day at work and relies on the Internet when it’s time to shop for herself or buy presents. “The most important thing is that I’m there to spend time with them,” she says. It’s not always easy being a single mother, Melissa admits. Some nights she’s up until 2:00 a.m. with a sick child, then wakes a few hours later to begin her ten-hour workday. “I don’t exercise regularly. I’m sleep deprived. I don’t have a personal life. I don’t have a boyfriend,” she says matter-of-factly.

She shares some of her trials and tribulations virtually. After the kids are in bed, Melissa often logs on to the Internet, where she chats with other single mothers by choice, who for the most part, she says, are a well-educated group of women with established careers and high salaries.

Melissa may sometimes wish she had the support of a mate, but she doesn’t regret the absence of what she terms a “half husband”—a partner who doesn’t pull his weight with child rearing or financial support. “I say that sperm is very expensive to buy; mine was a lot cheaper,” she jokes. As a single mom, “you don’t have to negotiate or compromise your child rearing,” she says. “There isn’t that push-pull.”

Though she believes she will someday meet a man she wants to marry, these days Melissa doesn’t have time to date. And since she shares a bedroom with her toddler, there’s not much room for a man in her life in any sense of the word.

Melissa forgets the exhaustion, the sacrifices and the challenges in moments like a recent visit to a petting zoo. Ariana, sitting proudly on a pony as her ride began, flashed her a huge smile and called out, “Mom!” It’s even more than Melissa had ever visualized.

Success as a Single Mom

Ask for help. “Think about the network and the support you’re going to need before going on this journey,” Melissa says. You might consider moving closer to relatives or hiring help at home if you can afford it. Melissa is moving closer to her parents and sister for more support.

Find male role models. “Have some male energy in your life, some positive male role models, whether it’s a grandfather or uncle,” she says. Melissa’s father, male cousins and brother-in-law all serve as role models for her kids.

Tell the truth. Talk to your children about where they come from. Melissa advises, “Tell them in an age-appropriate way they can understand.”

Use the Internet. Take advantage of online support, whether you’re shopping for groceries or looking for advice in the wee houses of the morning. Melissa likes Single Mothers by Choice (singlemothersbychoice.com), where you can find both local support groups and online groups. Other sites include Single Mothers Online (singlemothers.org) and SingleMom.com.

Complain if you feel like it. Melissa believes all mothers have the right to complain when they’re sleep deprived and exhausted—but “hang in there, because it does get easier,” she says.

Melissa’s Healthy Back Tips

Take breaks. Stretch or stand every 40 minutes. Standing for 45 seconds will take pressure off your back. Use a headset. If you talk on the phone while you’re on the computer, a headset will prevent neck strain.

Get comfortable. Ideally your computer screen should be 5 degrees below eye level. This will prevent you from straining or twisting.

Prop up your feet. Place a footrest under your legs to take some of the pressure off your lower back and hips.

Sleep on your side. Avoid sleeping on your back and stomach; use a contour pillow.

Go low-impact. Walking can help maintain a healthy back.