From strategic fibs (“Daddy said I could watch another movie”) to whoppers (“Someone stole my cell phone”), you’re pretty sure your child has been lying lately. Sure, most kids lie. But the more they get away with it, the more they’re likely to do it again, which can lead to bigger troubles like cheating and stealing. So if you think it’s happening, step in—but wisely. “It’s about helping kids learn from their mistakes in an atmosphere of trust,” says Tamar Chansky, PhD, author of Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking. So rather than cornering and confronting him, you might choose a particular instance and say, “I really don’t think you wanted things to work this way,” and then invite him to tell you what he knows about what happened, she suggests. Or you can say, “Tell me what really happened, and if you wish you’d made a different choice, tell me about that, too.” Focus consistently on how your family values telling the truth, and say something like, “We know it can sometimes be hard to be truthful, but it always works better and feels better in the end.” At the same time, be clear that one lie—or even a series of them—doesn’t change who he is and what he’s worth. Catching your child in a lie isn’t the goal; helping him find the courage to tell the truth is.

Nothing but the truth Dr. Tamar Chansky offers these strategies for raising an honest child.

Make it Safe. Keep things open for explanation and alternatives so he can say what happened and not feel bad about himself. Being accusing or judgmental can make your child defensive.

Offer Praise. When your child does something good or right, let him know you’ve noticed. That will help build his self-esteem so he can face and admit the truth even when it’s difficult.

Be a Model. Even moms tell little untruths sometimes. Fess up and have your child learn from your errors, too.