You’ve barely had time to catch your breath in the rush from the office to the parent-teacher conference when you’re informed—albeit gently—that your middle schooler is the class clown and is pulling too much focus. Before you scold your budding comedian, consider this: His ability to rally other kids around him may be a sign of future leadership skills. It’s about channeling certain traits, some of which may seem disruptive to teachers, into the ability to lead, says Alan E. Nelson, EdD, the author of KidLead: Growing Great Leaders. And now’s the time. “Most leadership training happens after college, but psychologists say a child’s character and moral compass are set by age fourteen,” he contends. “If we want to shape the skill and character of a leader, ages ten to thirteen are essential.” Indicators of preleadership qualities include initiating new projects, setting goals and following through, or being picked for class monitor or team captain. But seemingly negative traits like being bossy, opinionated or even disruptively funny may also signal potential, says Dr. Nelson. (Evaluate your child’s aptitude with the assessment tool at kidlead.com.) To help your tween hone and refine these traits, for example, turn aneveryday chore into a leadership project. Let him be in charge of dinner: what the family will eat, what to shop for, who will shop, who will clean up and so on. And offer feedback afterward. We can create future leaders by seeing our kids as leaders right now, says Dr. Nelson. “Instead of saying, ‘Someday you can be this,’ tell him, ‘You can be this now.’”

How to Grow a Leader

Help your child boost his potential for leadership, says Dr. Alan Nelson.

• Encourage him to l-e-a-d. Assign a family project, like preparing a meal, and suggest that he listen to the team’s ideas, establish the plan, assign tasks and determine the progress. Debrief and ask questions afterward to measure effectiveness.      
• Show respect for the group. Remind him that leadership is a team effort. It’s about helping people work together to accomplish what you might not be able to do alone.      
• Lead, but let go. Parents of emerging leaders are often strong leaders themselves. Be careful not to intimidate your child. Honor his opinions and let him fail at times.