Your 4-year-old’s preschool class is cavorting in the snow when a few kids start chucking snowballs at a quiet boy off to the side. The rest soon follow, bombarding him until he runs off in tears. Think your child wouldn’t join in? Think again.

Even little kids are prone to follow the crowd, according to a recent Harvard University study. When researchers asked preschoolers to name an unknown object after watching a group name it one thing and a lone dissenter name it something else, the children consistently picked the name used by the group—even when it was wrong.

But this majority-rules scenario isn’t always bad, says lead study author Kathleen Corriveau, a Harvard doctoral candidate. “This kind of consensus has strengths and weaknesses,” she explains. “It’s good to follow the majority in something like learning social norms, but it can be a problem when the majority opinion is inappropriate. So it’s important to help children learn not to blindly follow the group.”

Show your child what’s right and wrong, what’s nice and not, when hanging out at the playground (the “my turn” battles at the slide) or when you feel anger (glaring at the person with 13 items in the express-checkout line). Ask what he thinks: “Was it okay when she pushed the other girl at the slide? Why not?” In the absence of the group, kids often get the right answer, says Corriveau. “If they enter a situation already knowing what’s right, they’re more likely to make proper decisions.”

His Own Mind
To help your child think for himself:

• Let him decide. Allow your preschooler to make basic choices and decisions, like what he should wear or what book to read, says researcher Kathleen Corriveau.
• Pretend a bit. When he must decide something in a social setting, suggest he pretend others aren’t there. This will help him focus less on group opinion, more on his decision.
• Ask his opinion. Have him point out daily the differences between right and wrong. This can help him make decisions based on what’s right, not what’s popular